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My son doesn't want to see me

AndySmith

Hi all,

I have a 11 year-old son. He's autistic. Myself & his mum got divorced years ago. There have been hardly any issues with my ex.

It hasn't been easy seeing my son as he isn't keen on moving from one house to another but overall things haven't been too bad.

I used to see him nearly every week.  For 10 years I phoned him regularly.  Lately he became more determined he didn't want to see me. This really upset me. 

I'm not perfect but I love him & try to do my best for him. 

I kept having discussions with his mum regarding this through emails & texts. His mum said our son didn't want to see me & that's the end of it.

I tried to persuade her that our son needs our help and that'll be good for him to maintain a good relationship with me.She said he talked to autism lady at school and expressed his feelings. 

She asked me to leave them alone and to come back in 6 months.  I tried to convince her that it would be better if we did something about it now by involving the professionals.

She blocked my number & reported me to the police.

I haven't seen nor spoken to my son for nearly 3 months.  I miss him.

Any suggestions anyone ?

Thank you.

Parents
  • Former Member
    Former Member

    Hi Andy,

    It is interesting to read these emails etc and I think it suggests a problem that you need to address.

    Your ex's family (your ex, your son, your MIL) are fed up with you. You have clearly been unable to maintain a civil relationship with them and that may be their fault or yours but it takes two willing and able parties to continue a civilised relationship.

    I would seriously suggest, at this point, that

    a) you completely back away from any further contact for the moment. Your email read like a spanish inquisition and your son's email leaves no room for doubt about how he feels towards you at the moment. If you persist with your desparate enquiries you may well only make the situation even worse.

    b) you don't publish any further personal emails. I know that you have removed all names and such but the way that you are publishing them does not exactly put you in a good light - that is my personal opinion and I am sure others will offer theirs which may be different.

    c) You take the aq test to see if you have the traits. This could be the key that unlocks this problem. If you have autism, like me, then you will struggle to see things from others points of view. You will struggle to make sense of what they are saying and you will struggle to make sense to them. The unhappy confrontation that you are going through is typical for people that don't understand themselves or others and it is common in people with undiagnosed autism.

    I hope others will chip in at this point as I haven't experienced all of the events that you are going through. I have seen these things unfold and am very sorry for you and particularly for your son who is obviously distressed and traumatised by the situation that he finds himself in.

Reply
  • Former Member
    Former Member

    Hi Andy,

    It is interesting to read these emails etc and I think it suggests a problem that you need to address.

    Your ex's family (your ex, your son, your MIL) are fed up with you. You have clearly been unable to maintain a civil relationship with them and that may be their fault or yours but it takes two willing and able parties to continue a civilised relationship.

    I would seriously suggest, at this point, that

    a) you completely back away from any further contact for the moment. Your email read like a spanish inquisition and your son's email leaves no room for doubt about how he feels towards you at the moment. If you persist with your desparate enquiries you may well only make the situation even worse.

    b) you don't publish any further personal emails. I know that you have removed all names and such but the way that you are publishing them does not exactly put you in a good light - that is my personal opinion and I am sure others will offer theirs which may be different.

    c) You take the aq test to see if you have the traits. This could be the key that unlocks this problem. If you have autism, like me, then you will struggle to see things from others points of view. You will struggle to make sense of what they are saying and you will struggle to make sense to them. The unhappy confrontation that you are going through is typical for people that don't understand themselves or others and it is common in people with undiagnosed autism.

    I hope others will chip in at this point as I haven't experienced all of the events that you are going through. I have seen these things unfold and am very sorry for you and particularly for your son who is obviously distressed and traumatised by the situation that he finds himself in.

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