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Should I Tell My Son He Has Autism

Mum1976

My 9 year old son was diagnosed with ASD in July last year. Due to ongoing difficulties between him and my 6 year old daughter, amongst other reasons, we have an appointment tomorrow where CAMHS will help us explain the situation to them and what exactly autism is and how it affects people. He is asking the odd thing where he says  knows he is different and my daughter is wondering why he gets away with things she doesn't.  She is awfully sore on him and he is now overreacting to situations where she annoys him.  I'm scared tondo this as realise once we have told him there is no going back. Anyone any thoughts on this or can tell me how it affected their child when told? 

  • We waited for ages to tell my brother and it was a mistake. He got a bad perception of people with "special needs" before we told him so he refused to acknowledge there was anything wrong with him when we did. I wish we had taught him about autism and told him rather than him learning the stigmas then telling him. 

  • Clovis 

    Thank you for posting that letter. I'm 55 but only recently found out that I have Aspergers, and I was moved to tears. The last two paragraphs particularly really reverberated with me. I think it should be a great help to children and young people. 

  • I found these responses really helpful myself. Our son is 6 years old and was diagnosed just 6 months ago - not that it was a huge suprise by the time we eventually got there!

    We are going through the EHCP pallaver at the moment and he has had so many assessments over the past 18 months that I'm pretty sure he knows what's going on but perhaps not enough. A couple of months ago now he asked me why he was different and it broke my heart. I wasn't sure whether or not I should tell him about the autism so I bit my lip and responded with a very rational 'everyone's different darling, some people are good at this, others good at that' and used examples of his friends strengths and weaknesses to help explain it to him like that.

    I thought that was the end of it for now but then, when I was reading him a book that other day, which featured a character with autism and I read the word out to him, he covered his face.

    He is verbal (wasn't really until he turned 4 but we had just been told he was lazy and would get there in the end) - which he did but not because of laziness! He is also 'high functioning' (though I hate that term because it doesn't much feel like that when he is having a meltdown or a bad sensory processing spell) but I'm pretty sure he knows about the autism and that I should explain it to him sooner rather than later.

    The only thing that has been putting me off is that so many people seem to say not to do it until they are older.

    Having read the last two comments I think I will invest in those books and have a proper chat with him over the next week or so. I can let you know how it goes if anyone would find that useful.

  • Hi, I noticed no one has replied to your thread. Unfortunately I can't offer much advice as I haven't told my son who is 11 as i feel there's too much going on at the minute with him starting high school soon. I know his teacher is keen for me to tell him but after speaking to the Senco teacher I've decided to wait. She told me that when she worked in a school for children with autism they had a disclosure program. They picked children who they thought were emotionally ready and disclosed to them over months, reinforcing the positives etc however she said the staff were shocked by the negative effects it had on some of the children. Although some found relief, some became depressed and they ended up dropping the program all together. She urged me to use my own instincts as a mum and not to feel pressured into it, so I have decided to wait. You know your son more than anyone else. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.