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AS level exams

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My son has Aspergers and the last two years he spent at home, unable to face the outside world. After lots of therapy, he got into an academic school in October and seemed to be coping ok, made friends, even went to parties. It was fab.

However he had AS mocks about a month ago and got BEE and it has totally thrown him. He now hates school and is getting more and more anxious. He has real exams in 6 weeks and will be asked to leave if he fails them. He is not coping at all.

We dont know what to do. He saw a psychiatrist last week and wouldnt let his father go in, for the first time (he is 18 next week), so we have had no advise from that end.

We are at a total loss. He is clever, but of course very anxious and all the rest of it. He has been so brave and done so well. But should we tell him to stop going to school? Should we look for something distance related, or perhaps tell him to drop the two harder subjects and just do English for now, which he got a B in. I thought that might help.

I am terrified that if he stops school he will regress to no friends and sitting at home all day, even though I see it is so so hard for him. The doctor doubled his tablets, but no visible effect yet.

Thanks Clare

Parents

  • Hi there,

    I can empathise with your son's position.  I was a similar age when the stress of exams caused me to crash into depression - I even ran away from home for a short time so that I could avoid any contact with the demands of other people.

    Your son's mental health needs to be the top priority.  Eliminating the subjects that he is struggling with, and unlikely to pass while he is feeling so anxious, is probably a wise move, and sounds like a good compromise between trying to struggle through or leaving education completely.  But ultimately, if school is creating more stress than he can bear right now, he may need to withdraw.  Whichever he chooses, just be sure to reassure him that you do not consider this a failure on his part, but a necessary part of recovering from anxiety/depression that no-one is to be blamed for.

    It might also help to remind him that leaving school with a few less qualifications doesn't have to ruin his life forever.  Adult education is always an option, and is sometimes much more suitable for people with social difficulties.  He will be able to gain more qualifications later on in life, when his treatments have allowed him to recover from his current crisis.  It may well be that taking more practical, vocational qualifications will suit him much better than the academic style of school subjects.

    Best wishes to you all.

Reply

  • Hi there,

    I can empathise with your son's position.  I was a similar age when the stress of exams caused me to crash into depression - I even ran away from home for a short time so that I could avoid any contact with the demands of other people.

    Your son's mental health needs to be the top priority.  Eliminating the subjects that he is struggling with, and unlikely to pass while he is feeling so anxious, is probably a wise move, and sounds like a good compromise between trying to struggle through or leaving education completely.  But ultimately, if school is creating more stress than he can bear right now, he may need to withdraw.  Whichever he chooses, just be sure to reassure him that you do not consider this a failure on his part, but a necessary part of recovering from anxiety/depression that no-one is to be blamed for.

    It might also help to remind him that leaving school with a few less qualifications doesn't have to ruin his life forever.  Adult education is always an option, and is sometimes much more suitable for people with social difficulties.  He will be able to gain more qualifications later on in life, when his treatments have allowed him to recover from his current crisis.  It may well be that taking more practical, vocational qualifications will suit him much better than the academic style of school subjects.

    Best wishes to you all.

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