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Autistic brother making our lives unbearable

CarlyS

My brother is on the autistic spectrum and is 20 years old, he's not severe but I woudn't exactly call him mild either. Right now his behaviuor is just out of control. It would take too long to go into it but hes constantly swearing at my parents and threatening them, making ridiculous demands that we must all obey in the house otherwise hes very abusive and aggressive. My mum is really ill today and he keeps going in her room swearing at her at random intervals to wake her up and being abusive to her because he thinks its funny and we've been telling gim to stop it again and again but thats eggs him on even more and he starts on my dad too. My dad finally gets angry and threatens to kick him out as this has been building up for a while and my brother goes mental. He starts calling my dad the C word and piece of s*** and starts saying he'll fight my dad and punch him if he threatens to kick him out and starts threatening to kill him. We almost called the police but when we've threatened it before he just says that he'll tell them we abuse him if we ring them and he'll make up a bunch of stuff. He also believes that if he makes stuff up to the police about domestic abuse then he'll get free housing.

We just don't have a clue what to do now, you cant reason with him at all, he is completely uncapable of taking it in, and I genuinely believe that he doesn't understand what he's doing wrong. Who can we turn to? He's currently recieving no help because he completely refuses to admit that he's autistic and goes crazy if you try to suggest it. He's not working at the moment and refuses to look for jobs, right now I just see him living with my parents forever and making them miserabal. What can we do?

  • Hi Carly,

    I have just only read your messge. Hope the situation is getting better after the suggestions previously given.

    I know how it feels. You as a family you all love your brother although he gives you so all so much trouble and you might not want to call the police on him. You need to think of the safety of the rest of the family and his. Although my son is severely autistic. I have friends who's kids are mild and verbal like your brother who give much more behaviour problems.

    What I think he also needs is an intensive behaviour management program. He should be ignored when giving insults and showing bad behaviour but always reply him with the nice kind words which he should rather use. He should also be given a clear reward system or favorite item when he requests his needs in the right way and behaves properly. He needs to be told calmly and when he is in a good mood, that this is not the way to handle things or ask for things. He should try not to lose the love and support of his family and think of your mum's health because you only have one mother. You love him and want him to be happy and I am sure he should feel that way too.

    All the best! Hope things get better.

    Best wishes.

     

  • hi Carly,

    You should always call the police if you feel in danger or threatened, it doesnt matter who you are scared of. It makes no difference that he is your brother. There are thousands of people living with ASD in the UK and they dont threaten and scare people.

    It sounds like your brother needs help and to get any services involved you need to tell someone. Its either the police or the adult mental health team. But in my experience from using both services the police have been lovely, kind, caring and straight down the line but the mental health trust workers have been a bit useless to be kind to them.

    Next time your brother kicks off try calling the police, they will be lovely to you and give you the support you need, if necessary they might remove your brother for both your safely and his. He gets the support he needs and so do you. The police are there to support people like your family, they spend a lot of time sorting out peoples mental health needs much more than catching criminals.

    take care

  • Carly, I've only just read this.  Very sorry to hear what's happening.  I don't have any advice but I do want to say that I hope that your family and brother get the help you need!  (When the police came to collect my daughter when she had run away to a friends house, they were nicer than I expected, but I don't know if all police will be the same.)