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12 year old son not coping at high school

MrsLPanda

Hi, I am new to the forums and looking for a little support.

I have a 12 year old son who was diagnosed with dyspraxia in 2009, and has behavioural problems. He's always been volatile and uncooperative, destructive and struggles socially. He's currently going through the diagnostic panel for ASD despite the fact a consultant diagnosed him with ASD at the time of dyspraxia (letter lost by NHS trust and consultant retired!)

During his transition from primary to high school last summer his behaviour went off the chart and he had a few psychotic episodes. It was this that prompted me to seek help. We ended up having a TAF/CAF opened as my son was violent at home, but now thats been closed as my sons behaviour calmed down for a while.

The thing is, his behaviour is ramping up again. He refuses to do homework, refuses to work in class at school, he's disorganised despite constant help, he intimidates other children because of his size and demeanor. He has a detention practically every night after school for being abusive to teachers, disruptive in lessons, bullying other kids at times. At home we cannot get him to do homework, he just won't do it. If we push the issue he melts down and destroys things in his bedroom and becomes threatening. School have not put anything in place apart from the detentions. He had a room he used to go to when he was wound up, but according to my son they keep kicking him out and forcing him to go to lessons, where he will not participate.

I don't know what to do, I feel the school should be doing more. Its clear my son isnt coping at high school and I don't know what my options are now as we are still awaiting a formal diagnosis, which I am worried we won't get as he's above average intelligence and the ADOS came back showing problems but without a diagnosis of ASD....what can I do?

Parents

  • Thanks, yes thats who he is feeling, completely overwhelmed. As am I. I have a niece who has PDA, ASD, ADHD and a host of other things. She gets a lot of help and goes part time to a special unit within the school. I expect my sons school just don't know what else to do, which is a shame as they seemed so competent prior to his admission. He gets a of negative comments and bad behaviour points from teachers who do not understand his condition.  Some days he has 3/4 bad behaviour points and 2/3 detentions. I can hardly keep up. But instead of punishing him perhaps they should be looking at ways to enable him to work and succeed. I am going to ask for an appointment with his head of year next week to talk through this, I think I need to be more assertive. Any tips of how to get the message across that he needs help not punishments?

Reply

  • Thanks, yes thats who he is feeling, completely overwhelmed. As am I. I have a niece who has PDA, ASD, ADHD and a host of other things. She gets a lot of help and goes part time to a special unit within the school. I expect my sons school just don't know what else to do, which is a shame as they seemed so competent prior to his admission. He gets a of negative comments and bad behaviour points from teachers who do not understand his condition.  Some days he has 3/4 bad behaviour points and 2/3 detentions. I can hardly keep up. But instead of punishing him perhaps they should be looking at ways to enable him to work and succeed. I am going to ask for an appointment with his head of year next week to talk through this, I think I need to be more assertive. Any tips of how to get the message across that he needs help not punishments?

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