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Family members who don't understand!

SMC

Hi, I'm new to the forum but as a mum of a 19 year old man with autism, I'm sure nothing I say here will be new to anyone else!

I've just spent a good while apologising to family members for having to leave a get together early to pick up my son, as he can't cope with buses or talking to a taxi driver, even if it's just to give his address. The difficulty is that there is a big age gap between my 19 year old and his older brothers and their partners and they were not around when he was growing up so they didn't really see what his life was like (they were teenagers and off doing their own thing!). Now it feels as if they think I am over-indulging him, or worse, enabling him to be demanding of my time and attention, when really, he is having a meltdown for some reason and just needs to get home to the sanctuary of his room as quickly as possible.

I try explaining to the wider family, but they all look at me blankly and even sometimes with outright anger that I am running around after him, but I do put in just as much time for grandparenting and helping out with charity work as well.

I'm sure that I'm being over-sensitive, but just wondered how others deal with the suggestions that he should "get home on his own at his age" Help!

Parents

  • Hi SMC, 

    My son is 6 and was diagnosed last year but knew he had ASD from him being about 4. When he was younger i started going to meetings at nursery about his social interaction, lack of intergration, meltdowns the lot. My brother has ASD and Dyspraxia so i knew it was Autism we were looking at. His dads family did not and still do not understand why we are very protective and seem to mother him the way we do. To us nobody understands him the way we do. He requires supervision all day everyday. He doesnt not see dangers outside such as stranger danger or why we look and wait before we cross the road. My partners family and one of my brothers are ignorant to Autism it seems to me. They dont fully understand what it is so they choose to ignore it. In my opinion you are doing the best by your son and putting his safety and well being first. Us as parents need support and help too sometimes. Ignore negative people if you can and stay positive. X

Reply

  • Hi SMC, 

    My son is 6 and was diagnosed last year but knew he had ASD from him being about 4. When he was younger i started going to meetings at nursery about his social interaction, lack of intergration, meltdowns the lot. My brother has ASD and Dyspraxia so i knew it was Autism we were looking at. His dads family did not and still do not understand why we are very protective and seem to mother him the way we do. To us nobody understands him the way we do. He requires supervision all day everyday. He doesnt not see dangers outside such as stranger danger or why we look and wait before we cross the road. My partners family and one of my brothers are ignorant to Autism it seems to me. They dont fully understand what it is so they choose to ignore it. In my opinion you are doing the best by your son and putting his safety and well being first. Us as parents need support and help too sometimes. Ignore negative people if you can and stay positive. X

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