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Hi and Help needed feeling desperate

sarahjen

Hi I don't know where to start, i am feeling really emotional, angry and at my wits end.  I have 2 children 5 and 3, the oldest child has suspected asd, i have known there was something not right since he was really small but been fobbed off with, its just a stage he's going through etc etc.  Anyway he's in year 1 at school and he still hasn't got enough support, his vocabularys good but he can't read or write and is really struggling, he goes in to melt down almost everyday, hits his little brother and me and has also started been aggressive in school.  We cannot get through to him, that he is hurting others, he doesn't understand concequences and repeats the same behaviour over and over.  He is unable to do tasks upon request, no matter how many times we ask him.  He doesn't have any friends and social events, childrens parties etc he will cling to me the whole time.  Often he gets very anxious and will refuse to do things, such as swimming lessons etc.  Everything we do is a struggle with him, it hurts so bad cause hes a lovely child but i can't get through to him, i don't know what to do, Do i carry on taking him to partys? in the hope he will get used to it or am i damaging him further by forcing him in to situations hes not comfortable.  It breaks my heart cause i love him so much and cause hes not been diagnosed we have no support and no idea how to deal with it, this is why i'm so angry, all i get told is the spectrums so wide and each childs different, this seems a cop out to me.  Does anyone actually understand this condition really and how to help a child with it.  Sorry for the rant but just need some advice from someone thats experienced any of this and how to manage it.

Parents

  • All I can remember of my schooldays is that I existed in a fog of confusion. Whilst there were things that fed my curiosity, and I never had a problem with taking in things like reading, writing and 'rithmetic (and don't we love numbers?) I didn't understand any 'structure', school, social etc, and couldn't grasp what it was all about.

    So, I didn't know why I was there, I didn't interact with the other kids, I had no idea what was coming during the day, and if I copied what someone else did, I often got into trouble for it when the other kid didn't! Appropriately for this time of year, Christmas parties were held in our church hall, and I was totally intimidated by them - I didn't know why I was there, or what I was supposed to do. As I say, a complete fog of confusion.

    I don't think that ordinary schools and educations are much use to AS children. In fact, I suspect that the Steiner approach is much more AS in flavour, but I have no direct experience of Steiner schools so I really can't say for certain.

    What I can say for certain is that, as constantly reported by parents on here, schools and teachers consistently fail to grasp even the most fundamental needs of AS children. They can cope with children with all kinds of physical difficulties (although a patronising attitude seems to be fundamental to their approach) but the trouble for AS children, and adults, is that they CAN'T SEE OUR WHEELCHAIR.

    I obviously relate to your son's experience, and yours as the loving parent who is trying to cope with the aftermath, but you really need to get across to school that your son has very different needs and they're failing to cater for them. You should express all of this to the headteacher - unless you tell them, they cannot know how your son is after school, as a direct result OF school.

    They will work with you, but this needs constant communication between you, and they certainly need to listen to you. Experience, sadly, tells me that educators often believe their own publicity to the point where they just argue that they're 'doing everything they can'. I interpret this to mean 'those few things that we can be bothered with'. Children who don't fit the sausage machine are trouble and hard work, and they've got enough to do already...

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  • All I can remember of my schooldays is that I existed in a fog of confusion. Whilst there were things that fed my curiosity, and I never had a problem with taking in things like reading, writing and 'rithmetic (and don't we love numbers?) I didn't understand any 'structure', school, social etc, and couldn't grasp what it was all about.

    So, I didn't know why I was there, I didn't interact with the other kids, I had no idea what was coming during the day, and if I copied what someone else did, I often got into trouble for it when the other kid didn't! Appropriately for this time of year, Christmas parties were held in our church hall, and I was totally intimidated by them - I didn't know why I was there, or what I was supposed to do. As I say, a complete fog of confusion.

    I don't think that ordinary schools and educations are much use to AS children. In fact, I suspect that the Steiner approach is much more AS in flavour, but I have no direct experience of Steiner schools so I really can't say for certain.

    What I can say for certain is that, as constantly reported by parents on here, schools and teachers consistently fail to grasp even the most fundamental needs of AS children. They can cope with children with all kinds of physical difficulties (although a patronising attitude seems to be fundamental to their approach) but the trouble for AS children, and adults, is that they CAN'T SEE OUR WHEELCHAIR.

    I obviously relate to your son's experience, and yours as the loving parent who is trying to cope with the aftermath, but you really need to get across to school that your son has very different needs and they're failing to cater for them. You should express all of this to the headteacher - unless you tell them, they cannot know how your son is after school, as a direct result OF school.

    They will work with you, but this needs constant communication between you, and they certainly need to listen to you. Experience, sadly, tells me that educators often believe their own publicity to the point where they just argue that they're 'doing everything they can'. I interpret this to mean 'those few things that we can be bothered with'. Children who don't fit the sausage machine are trouble and hard work, and they've got enough to do already...

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