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Hi and Help needed feeling desperate

sarahjen

Hi I don't know where to start, i am feeling really emotional, angry and at my wits end.  I have 2 children 5 and 3, the oldest child has suspected asd, i have known there was something not right since he was really small but been fobbed off with, its just a stage he's going through etc etc.  Anyway he's in year 1 at school and he still hasn't got enough support, his vocabularys good but he can't read or write and is really struggling, he goes in to melt down almost everyday, hits his little brother and me and has also started been aggressive in school.  We cannot get through to him, that he is hurting others, he doesn't understand concequences and repeats the same behaviour over and over.  He is unable to do tasks upon request, no matter how many times we ask him.  He doesn't have any friends and social events, childrens parties etc he will cling to me the whole time.  Often he gets very anxious and will refuse to do things, such as swimming lessons etc.  Everything we do is a struggle with him, it hurts so bad cause hes a lovely child but i can't get through to him, i don't know what to do, Do i carry on taking him to partys? in the hope he will get used to it or am i damaging him further by forcing him in to situations hes not comfortable.  It breaks my heart cause i love him so much and cause hes not been diagnosed we have no support and no idea how to deal with it, this is why i'm so angry, all i get told is the spectrums so wide and each childs different, this seems a cop out to me.  Does anyone actually understand this condition really and how to help a child with it.  Sorry for the rant but just need some advice from someone thats experienced any of this and how to manage it.

Parents

  • I am not a childcare professional and don't know your son but do have a few suggestions that you can take or leave.

    Firstly, autism doesn't automatically cause problems with reading or writing.  It is possible that he is just finding the whole school environment so overwhelming that it is affecting his learning, but it is also possible he has a comorbid learning difficulty such as dyslexia and it may be worth looking into.

    Secondly, dealing with school all day and then a pre-schooler (they tend to be noisy and intrusive at that age) when he gets home may be more than he can cope with.  It may do them both some good if you have any friends or family that can take his brother out to facilitate a bit more 'alone time', although of course I understand that such things aren't always possible.

    Finally, even as an adult I can struggle interacting in large, unstructured groups.  However, I can do very well one-on-one with someone who is on a similar wavelength, especially in a comfortable environment.  Perhaps rather than taking him to parties, a better option might be to try and find one or two individual children that he gets on with and set up play dates.  No guarantee of success of course but he may find it easier.  You could even organise an activity he enjoys (doesn't have to be complicated, could just be getting out some art equipment at home) as a point of shared interest to get them going (the point being not so much to complete anything necessarily but just as a mutual focus to get conversation/play started).

Reply

  • I am not a childcare professional and don't know your son but do have a few suggestions that you can take or leave.

    Firstly, autism doesn't automatically cause problems with reading or writing.  It is possible that he is just finding the whole school environment so overwhelming that it is affecting his learning, but it is also possible he has a comorbid learning difficulty such as dyslexia and it may be worth looking into.

    Secondly, dealing with school all day and then a pre-schooler (they tend to be noisy and intrusive at that age) when he gets home may be more than he can cope with.  It may do them both some good if you have any friends or family that can take his brother out to facilitate a bit more 'alone time', although of course I understand that such things aren't always possible.

    Finally, even as an adult I can struggle interacting in large, unstructured groups.  However, I can do very well one-on-one with someone who is on a similar wavelength, especially in a comfortable environment.  Perhaps rather than taking him to parties, a better option might be to try and find one or two individual children that he gets on with and set up play dates.  No guarantee of success of course but he may find it easier.  You could even organise an activity he enjoys (doesn't have to be complicated, could just be getting out some art equipment at home) as a point of shared interest to get them going (the point being not so much to complete anything necessarily but just as a mutual focus to get conversation/play started).

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