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Hi and Help needed feeling desperate

sarahjen

Hi I don't know where to start, i am feeling really emotional, angry and at my wits end.  I have 2 children 5 and 3, the oldest child has suspected asd, i have known there was something not right since he was really small but been fobbed off with, its just a stage he's going through etc etc.  Anyway he's in year 1 at school and he still hasn't got enough support, his vocabularys good but he can't read or write and is really struggling, he goes in to melt down almost everyday, hits his little brother and me and has also started been aggressive in school.  We cannot get through to him, that he is hurting others, he doesn't understand concequences and repeats the same behaviour over and over.  He is unable to do tasks upon request, no matter how many times we ask him.  He doesn't have any friends and social events, childrens parties etc he will cling to me the whole time.  Often he gets very anxious and will refuse to do things, such as swimming lessons etc.  Everything we do is a struggle with him, it hurts so bad cause hes a lovely child but i can't get through to him, i don't know what to do, Do i carry on taking him to partys? in the hope he will get used to it or am i damaging him further by forcing him in to situations hes not comfortable.  It breaks my heart cause i love him so much and cause hes not been diagnosed we have no support and no idea how to deal with it, this is why i'm so angry, all i get told is the spectrums so wide and each childs different, this seems a cop out to me.  Does anyone actually understand this condition really and how to help a child with it.  Sorry for the rant but just need some advice from someone thats experienced any of this and how to manage it.

Parents
  • Former Member
    Former Member

    As Longman says, we can and do develop ways of managing with our problems. We learn to avoid some situations and need to try harder in others but some things will never be fun for us and some things will always be just too difficult to keep trying to master.

    Parties were a nightmare when I was young. I never understood what I was supposed to do. The noise and everything were just unpleasant. I am now 56 and recently diagnosed so I have managed to get through most of life without anything catastrophic happening. I still don't enjoy going to parties but now I understand why. I don't have to go to parties so I am comfortable with that.

    If you did force him to do these things then he might not learn. If you take the swimming lesson analogy. If you keep throwing a child into a pool then he might learn to swim if he can. If actually he has no idea what to do and doesn't have the skill to do it then he might drown. Continually exposing him to a situation that he doesn't cope with may result in "drowning" rather than swimming.

    It needs enormous patience and understanding to succeed as a parent of someone with autism. If you try and work out what works and learn about how his mind works then you have every chance of getting through this in one piece. Confrontation and exposing him to situations he can't cope with should not be part of that strategy.

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  • Former Member
    Former Member

    As Longman says, we can and do develop ways of managing with our problems. We learn to avoid some situations and need to try harder in others but some things will never be fun for us and some things will always be just too difficult to keep trying to master.

    Parties were a nightmare when I was young. I never understood what I was supposed to do. The noise and everything were just unpleasant. I am now 56 and recently diagnosed so I have managed to get through most of life without anything catastrophic happening. I still don't enjoy going to parties but now I understand why. I don't have to go to parties so I am comfortable with that.

    If you did force him to do these things then he might not learn. If you take the swimming lesson analogy. If you keep throwing a child into a pool then he might learn to swim if he can. If actually he has no idea what to do and doesn't have the skill to do it then he might drown. Continually exposing him to a situation that he doesn't cope with may result in "drowning" rather than swimming.

    It needs enormous patience and understanding to succeed as a parent of someone with autism. If you try and work out what works and learn about how his mind works then you have every chance of getting through this in one piece. Confrontation and exposing him to situations he can't cope with should not be part of that strategy.

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