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Teenage Angst, Divorce plus Aspergers

Kenro05

Hi, I have a teenage son who is about to turn 14 and he is really not coping with all the change in his life at the moment.  I am not coping with all the extreme stress and meltdowns in my life at the moment.

My sons dad and I decided last September to split and this has not gone down at all well.  Unfortunately we are still sharing the family home and we are both sharing childcare responsibilities.  My son can't deal with any mention of our split and we still have some major traumas to overcome when I eventually tell him that his father is being unreasonable about us staying in the family home so there will be a lot more change when I will eventually have to find another home for us.

Other changes are with school - he is about to start 3rd year of high school and there is a lot that will be different in terms of the amount of work involved, but also socially.  I cannot manage to get him to do anything social and he is freaking out about going back to school after the summer.

His anxiety levels are off the scale - he obsesses about all the bad things happening in the wider world such as racism, poverty, illness, death, and he takes everything to heart.  He just wants to escape the pain of real life by escaping into a world of film where reality doesn't matter.

I would really like to get some advice on whether counselling or CBT type therapy might help.  We all need some coping strategies and soon.  Any advice would be most welcome.  I am really struggling to know how to help him.

Thanks

  • Hi,

    Not all CBT works for those on the spectrum. Counselling from a therapist who understands Autism would be ideal. Clearly, the uncertainty of his world right now is highly anxiety provoking for him.

    Their is never a good time for a relationship to break down and as teens get older the disparity between what's expected and what they can cope with grows, so high anxiety is common. The emotional issues at home, combined with the School demands of the impending school year is likely to send any child into meltdown, so try not to blame yourself.

    For the time being, I'd suggest you keep the information about your everyday issues with your partner to a minimum, just to lower his anxiety until you can get him some support. Keeping things on a 'need to know basis' may turn the volume a bit.

    Escapism clearly represents safety for your son. He feels unsafe and needs to distract himself, let him do this when he feels the need, but don't let it take over his life. If you can organise quality, planned time, where you and he can do something he enjoys, together, then it may help him to appreciate that he has your sole focus and give him a taste of what life in his future might be like. not all scary, but fun also.

    Discuss, privately with your partner, how you anticipate the separation and care arrangements in the future will pan out. Your son may believe that 'separation' means no longer having contact with his father. When the time is right and with a therapists support you can then begin to discuss his concerns. They may be obscure or far removed from what you anticipate.

    I wish you all the best and hope my modest suggestions are of some help.

    Cx