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Behaviour has shocked me

Juliekim

My two year old son was diagnosed with autism in June 2011, he will be three in February 2012.  He's a wonderful little boy, although he has no speech, he is very affectionate and very passive.  However, I was shocked the other day when he threw a heavy plastic toy at a baby at toddler group, hitting him right on the head and leaving him with a nasty bruise.  I felt so embarrassed and really bad for the little boy and his mum.  This is only the third incident in about 2 months - he threw a toy at a child a little while ago and also bit a little girl on her hand, again I think she had a toy he wanted.

 

I'm still trying to work out what may have lead to these outbursts and but am also very worried about the future.  It's really brought it home to me as well how other people react to children with 'hidden' disabilities - there dosen't seem to be alot of understanding out there, which I kind of knew but actually experiencing it for yourself really brings it home so to speak.

 

I've decided to give up this particular toddler group now - to be honest, since one of the staff left this year, it's gone a bit downhill, the toys seem to be of little interest to him and they never rotate them anymore, always seem to put the same toys out.  Also, being a religious group, I've noticed that the bible stories and prayers seem to be getting longer and longer at the end, leaving less time for singing, something which my son really enjoys.  As I'm not a religious person in any shape or form, I am starting to find this irritating, as well as the fact that the toddlers are expected to sit there and listen while the stories/prayers are being said - a difficult task for any toddler, let alone one with autism!

 

Just wanting some support really, as I feel so isolated sometimes.

  • Juliekim

    I have experienced this too.  It is awful and you can feel the anger of the other parents whose child has been hurt by yours.  You also feel sorry for your son because he doesn't really understand his actions.

    My son is now 10 and he behaved like this until he was 5 or 6.  It rarely happens now so I would agree that it is age related.  He has learned to control himself a bit more.  He still hurts his brothers but he knows he can't do it outside of the home.

  • The comments/support on here have been amazing - I feel so isolated at times, it really helps when you speak to parents who are going through the same things as you/can identify with you 100%.  It's so difficult right now, although I have decided to try a new support group next week.  Even though they only meet once a month, I really feel I need to meet other parents of autistic children.  Thank you so much for your support/comments.

  • Hi

    I know how you are feeling, my little boy has just turned 4 and is a lovely natured and passive child, although he has quite annoying obsessions but I am learninng to cope and deal with these now. Since August my childminder told me he was pushing over the 1 yr old she also looks after and also at a toddler group she takes him too. I was mortified and I have experience it with him now too - I spoke to my Early Years support and they have reassured me it is not a malicious attack as such but mainly as communication (he is totally non-verbal) and also as a cause and effect. He only does it to smaller toddlers so I suppose he knows he is going to get a reaction from them. I still find it hard to accept this and trying to explain to other parents is really hard, I am sorry to say they just look at you like your a bad parent and I dont see why I should have to say sorry he has autism all the time as again, people do not understand autism unless it affects their lives.  They have said it is an age related stage and it should pass so I will keep my fingers crossed.  I just make sure now that I am constantly supervising him near other small children but dont always get there in time!! He doesnt seem to understand the concept of no in these situations as he doesnt understand emotions. I know exactly how you feel I still find it hard to accept and worry constantly about his future. My current dilemma is school next year and whether to use a special school or mainstream. I just cant see him managing in mainstream especially if he is still not talking but my local special school is for all special needs and I just hope he will progress there as he has so much potential underneath. I dont want my son bullied and brought down as he is happy how he is and thats the thing to try and remember. Hope this helps

  • I understand what you are going through.  My son Connor was just diagnosed with Autism in August, and he is 5.  I have had to advocate for him and seek out help.  It was really hard to find him the help he really needed all along.  I live in the United States in a little community and there is not much help here.  I have had to travel to bigger cities. 

    My son can be very aggressive.  He will use bad language and do things that are very inappropriate.  He has hit other children and animals.  He has thrown scissors at me, pulled my hair, and punched me.  It is a challenge everyday, and only parents that have an autistic child really know what it is like.  It is heart breaking!  I have created a website for him. I have several journal entries included in it on what we go through eveyday.  There is also pictures, and videos.  When Connor was in daycare he use to bite all the time and hit. 

    My family is looking for support too, so it would be nice to chat back in forth.