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Help advice needed for court action

hopeful

 
My 15 yr old aspergers son started a new school in September last year after a move across the country.  The problem we have is that he has taken the move very badly, this has been compounded by the fact that he has been unable to settle at his new school.  In hindsight I can now see that this was completely the wrong provision for him.  

he has been very low and very angry and has been self-harming and threatening suicide because he has been so unhappy. This is mainly because he is so unhappy at
school and so our efforts to get him there have been met with him barricading
himself in his room and refusing to go, as you can imagine it has been an
extremely stressful time.  We have finally got him into counselling, but there
is also a police investigation going on into a case of grooming from an older man against him.

The problem we have is that court proceedings have begun against us for non/low attendance of school - I really can't believe this that after one meeting they can do that.  no help has been offered.  In the report there is no mention of the difficulties he has had, there is no mention to the problems his father and I are having in trying
to get him there.  When he is there it's not for very long as the school excludes him for refusing to work, so he say's "what is the point in going, i don't want to be there, and they don't want me there!" I really have lost count of the amount of exclusions he has had in the last year.

Before attending this school his attendance was 99-100% and although he had difficulties there was always support and help and he was able to manage school.

No one wants the best for him more than we do and I have been desperately trying to get help for him, we have the EHCP now in place, but there is no provision for him anywhere so it looks like I will have to give up my job to home school him. 

Our situation is now desperate as he is now entering year 11 in September and I feel that the system is about to let him down in that suitable provision is not available - I feel he is being set up to fail.

He is an extremely bright young man, who really needs to be given an opportunity to succeed. 

This situation is just awful and we are so anxious and worried about this - can anyone offer any advice.


Parents

  • Hi Hopeful,

      I'm not sure If my advice would of help, but I do appreciate the difficulty with keeping a child in Education who is so unhappy.

    The trouble is that the childs mental well-being is clearly being compromised by his poor provision. Have you spoken to IPSEA for advice or even the NAS helpline. I'd be tempted to ring around and get advice from independant bodies who can guide you.

    No parent wants to be taken to court, but if some of your son's absences are occuring due to exclusion marks as well, then it can hardly be counted can it? To be sure I'd be tempted to obtain a copy of his attenance records from the School and check his recorded absences due to non-attandance, against his exclued periods initiated by the School, to be sure this hasn't exagerated the picture.

    Additionally, if you have evidence that formally he had 100% attendance at his old School, it's clear somethings not right in his current placement. If you are made to attend court, this may be the evidence you could present. along with the evidence of his needs that appears to be missing. 

    It's a tough call as a parent because of the year he's in, but it's also a difficult year for transfer to another School or his prospective exams. Couple this with the onging issues with grooming you mention and it's not surprizing he's in meltdown. Do you really have any other option than to withraw him? I feel you've almost answered your own questions.

    Exams can be taken at any time, however, prolonged ill-provision can mean your son is at risk of becoming totally education phobic, as happened to my son. (His provison was so poor at FE that he will now never return to any form of education. A tragic loss for a gifted and once knowledge hungry child.) 

    Is their evidence to suggest your son would be self-motivated enough to conclude his studies from a home-schooled environment? If so, it may be an option worth considering. Personally, I wouldn't feel able to support my son at secondary School level, although I did at primary and it was the right thing to do for my children. 

    If you do feel able to support your son, check with your LA's EOTAS dept (Education otherwise than at School) and see what's involved. It's not for the faint hearted and needs to be considered carefully if he's to enter exams externally, but also with regard to your own families financial position. If you can afford it, a day a week with a private tutor, will ease the burden on you.

    Do factor in down time for yourself if you do consider home-Schooling. The volume may be turned down on his meltdowns by home educating, but wearing the hat of both teacher and parent can be pretty taxing. At primary level I found a good measure of field trips to support the study did much to reinforce and consoldate what we studied in the morning, but this may not be feasible at his stage at Secondary level.

    Also, contact your local parents group for hom -education and talk to some of the parents their that have youngsters at a similar age or with similar difficulties. They are often a great support for resources and bring together like-minded parents and children.

    I wish you all the best at this difficult time, but mostly for your son.  

Reply

  • Hi Hopeful,

      I'm not sure If my advice would of help, but I do appreciate the difficulty with keeping a child in Education who is so unhappy.

    The trouble is that the childs mental well-being is clearly being compromised by his poor provision. Have you spoken to IPSEA for advice or even the NAS helpline. I'd be tempted to ring around and get advice from independant bodies who can guide you.

    No parent wants to be taken to court, but if some of your son's absences are occuring due to exclusion marks as well, then it can hardly be counted can it? To be sure I'd be tempted to obtain a copy of his attenance records from the School and check his recorded absences due to non-attandance, against his exclued periods initiated by the School, to be sure this hasn't exagerated the picture.

    Additionally, if you have evidence that formally he had 100% attendance at his old School, it's clear somethings not right in his current placement. If you are made to attend court, this may be the evidence you could present. along with the evidence of his needs that appears to be missing. 

    It's a tough call as a parent because of the year he's in, but it's also a difficult year for transfer to another School or his prospective exams. Couple this with the onging issues with grooming you mention and it's not surprizing he's in meltdown. Do you really have any other option than to withraw him? I feel you've almost answered your own questions.

    Exams can be taken at any time, however, prolonged ill-provision can mean your son is at risk of becoming totally education phobic, as happened to my son. (His provison was so poor at FE that he will now never return to any form of education. A tragic loss for a gifted and once knowledge hungry child.) 

    Is their evidence to suggest your son would be self-motivated enough to conclude his studies from a home-schooled environment? If so, it may be an option worth considering. Personally, I wouldn't feel able to support my son at secondary School level, although I did at primary and it was the right thing to do for my children. 

    If you do feel able to support your son, check with your LA's EOTAS dept (Education otherwise than at School) and see what's involved. It's not for the faint hearted and needs to be considered carefully if he's to enter exams externally, but also with regard to your own families financial position. If you can afford it, a day a week with a private tutor, will ease the burden on you.

    Do factor in down time for yourself if you do consider home-Schooling. The volume may be turned down on his meltdowns by home educating, but wearing the hat of both teacher and parent can be pretty taxing. At primary level I found a good measure of field trips to support the study did much to reinforce and consoldate what we studied in the morning, but this may not be feasible at his stage at Secondary level.

    Also, contact your local parents group for hom -education and talk to some of the parents their that have youngsters at a similar age or with similar difficulties. They are often a great support for resources and bring together like-minded parents and children.

    I wish you all the best at this difficult time, but mostly for your son.  

Children
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