Hi there, I am new to this forum.
I'm looking for some advice regarding my older brother. He is 25, I am 22.
There is a history of mental illness / ASD in my family including myself (I was diagnosed with depression at 12, then Asperger's at 13 which was a misdiagnosis eventually changed to be Borderline Personality Disorder when I was 15).
I have a 12 y/o cousin with Narcissistic Personality Disorder and autism, and a 7 y/o cousin with suspected autism (his diagnosis is difficult as he lives in the UAE but he is the most 'obvious' of us).
My brother has experienced difficulties with his mental health since he was about 13. He was prescribed anti-depressants briefly at around 18 but refused to take them. His health worsened greatly over the next few years and he became very reclusive until he eventually joined a college and seemed to improve quite a bit. Over the past 3-4 years he has gone through periods of attending regular meetings at NHS and charity centres for mental health, but has never disclosed to the family what his diagnosis is or if he has been diagnosed. During that period he unfortunately witnessed a suicide (a stranger) and kept this to himself for about 6 months before telling the family while he was upset - I assumed that he had told whoever he was seeing at these appointments and that is why they went on so regularly, although this is just speculation.
His behaviour seems to me to be quite typical of ASD. He has always been shy and quite reclusive, and tends to find hobbies that he 'obsesses' over (I apologise for using that word but it's really the only word for it). These hobbies often involve fine detail eg. model making, making musical instruments. Or they often involve some sort of collecting of items or garments of clothing. I would say that he does show some OCD-type signs when it comes to his hobbies/interests, such as collecting clothing and washing it several times a day in a very methodical way.
This all happens when he is happy, and obviously he's not harming anyone so this behaviour isn't problematic at all.
But when he becomes stressed or unhappy he experiences really bad noise sensitivity, and he tends to hide away from the rest of the family. When he is in an unhappy mood/period he also has really severe outbursts of anger.
For example, today we went to the supermarket and he refused to walk with me, so I knew he was feeling bad. About an hour later, we were home and he had cooked himself dinner but was upset because there were no empty rooms in the house for him to eat in (we live together with our parents). Eventually our dad left the living room so he could eat there in peace, and within seconds we heard a scream and ran in - he had spilt his food on his lap. This was a sort of tipping point for him, and he sat there with the food on his lap saying he wanted to die. So my mum tried to help him clean it, and he called himself a r****d. He fell onto the floor and started screaming and saying he wanted to die over and over again.
Eventually we helped him clean up and he calmed down quite quickly.
This is quite a typical 'breakdown' situation for him, one which I have witnessed many times.
I wonder if anyone has any similar experience with family members and has any advice for dealing with these moments?
I don't actually know if he was even diagnosed, he doesn't discuss it and gets angry when we ask. But his behaviour and our family history seems to suggest that some form of ASD is likely.
It's obviously very disturbing to see him that way, and I'm constantly in fear that he will hurt himself during an angry period.
I apologise if this is a bit vague, I am new to this forum as I said and I wasn't sure how to approach this.
Any advice is very appreciated.
Thanks.