Embarrassing question - need advice please!

Hi all,

I'm going to apologise now as I don't know how to describe our situation without sounding a bit weird.....

I have a 5 year old son diagnosed as ASD. He also has sensory difficulties, but rather than an avoider tends to be a seeker (other than auditory). This sensory seeking behaviour is relevant I think...

He has an absolute obsession with my bare bottom. Given half the chance he will pull my trousers down or he'll crawl up underneath my night-dress. He's always loved the feel of my bare skin against his - he used to lie against my tummy for example - but the bottom thing, he doesn't necessarily need to be undressed, he just likes to be pressed up tight against my bottom, particularly if I'm squatting down - like getting something out of a low cupboard for example (he has pounced on many occasions both at home and in the supermarket....!!!)

I'm fairly relaxed about most things so just try to distract or laugh it off, he is verbal but has quite marked language difficulties so we can't have a conversation about it and he gets very distressed if he realises he's not going to get his way (I don't indulge him by the way).

I was recently changing his sister's nappy on the bedroom floor, perfect opportunity for him to launch himself! Once my hands were free I peeled him off and then a minute or so later I changed his nappy....and then I realised he had the remains of an erection. A similar event has happened since. The idea that him grabbing my bottom gives him an erection makes me feel quite uncomfortable.

I'm a bit confused about what's happening here. When it comes to talking about willies and things, I'm fine with it - he's already noticed it grows in the bath sometimes and I'm perfectly relaxed about that. It's good to know his bits work!! But this is just a bit different and don't know what to make of it.

I just wondered if anyone else has experienced anything similar or had any thoughts they could offer? Sorry if this all sounds a bit strange.....!!

Thank you

Lizzy100 over 10 years ago

Hi proudmummy1510, so it's not quite the same but along a similar thing, I have a four year old son with fragile x syndrome and ASD, I noticed that when he was small like less then 2 years he would randomly lay down on the floor or the sofa (face down) pushing his parts so to speak, either with his hands or literally into the floor obviously gaining some kind of feeling but again to young for it to be anything sexual.
I have to admit he went through a phase of doing it a lot and it really did concern me, I am by no means embarrised easily, but at the same time I needed him to be aware that while that kind of thing is perfectly natural, there is a time and a place, and the Middle of nursery at story time is not one them! I spoke to my health visitor who firstly put my mind at ease, telling me that a lot of children with learning difficulties experience this and that it can start at what seems to be pretty young, although obviously their understanding of what they are doing is not thought about in a sexual way, but simply put its a feeling/motion they like.
I must admit I was shocked when I saw my sons little wink not so little after one of his more shall we say persistent moments, I mean the kid had literally worked himself up into a sweat! I was told the best thing to do is not make a big deal out of it, try if you can to distract them wherever possible. it seems to me, let me know if it's the same for you, that it's a phase and maybe it's a comfort issue, my son is a very tactile child who enjoys kind of "rough play" but can't always distinguish between that and knowing when to stop- while my son is not inclined to want to grab my bum, he has been known to headbut it, and again while I have no real issue, I'm sure that not everyone would appreciate it. as soon as he thought it was a hilarious new game it got worse, I had to try very hard to to not laugh about it with him, infact completely ignoring it seemed to work.
im sure that in time our boys will come to understand or at least accept that certain behaviour is not always appropriate, let me now how you get on love lizzyxxx
Former Member over 10 years ago

ProudMummy1510 said:
The idea that him grabbing my bottom gives him an erection makes me feel quite uncomfortable.
There may be link in your mind between the two things but not in his. He is 5 yo and therefore blissfully unaware of sexual attraction. His erections are spontaneous and uncontrolled, i.e. normal in a 5yo. If you did a systematic survey you would probably observe erections at other times when you would struggle to find any sexual motive.
PS
Sensible thread on netmums...
www.netmums.com/.../538167-6-year-old-boy-having-erections-normal-6-a-all.html