Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi
I am not sure if i'm allowed to post in here as we don't actually have a diagnosis but i'm looking for some support from other parents please.
i have a 4 year old boy who i believe has autistic traits. he started school in september and was really struggling so i mentioned to his teacher who agreed we should monitor him. he currently receives physio as he has another condition and i mentioned my concerns to his physio. yesterday i received a letter from the consultant with a 'social behaviour questionnaire' which they asked me to give to his teacher to complete. I am 6 months pregnant and for the first 3 months i was very hormonal and emotional and cried a few times to his teacher as i was worried about him. now i am less hormonal and am more relaxed, when i asked his teacher to complete the questionnaire i said that i'm not as worried anymore and did she have any concerns and she said she thinks it's definitely worth getting him assessed. so she also has some concerns. howver when i mentioned it to my mum, she said she'd spoken to her colleague (who has never met us and isn't clinical in any way) and he said that as we are used to girls in our family we are probably not used to boys just not listening. she said it in a tone that was questioning me. i was so mad. i know the difference between a child not listening and a child that is 'different'. i am not the only one with concerns, his teacher obviously does as well.
so now i am questioning myself. it's not about him not listening (he doesn't take instructions very well, i have to repeat myself a lot and give him lots of warning about things- ie, we will be getting dressed in five minutes, after you have finished your breakfast, then again at 3 minutes and then 1 minute and so on).
my concerns are more around how he copes with things. he still cries every day going into school and struggles if they do anything out of the routine. he gets VERY angry about seemingly tiny things. then within 5 minutes he's very apoliogetic like he really didn't mean to get that angry. he likes things a set way. he doesn't like doing anything new, if he could stay at home permanently he would. he doesn't like new people (he won't even look at them for a good few hours), he's very shy. he panics if something unsuspecting happend- eg we were at a friends house at the wekend with a few other kids and one of the kids smashed a light bulb (it wasn't even my son), he started shaking and saying he wanted to go home and wouldn't look at anyone (he's normally comfortable with our friends). he's scared of pretty much everything.
do any of these characteritics sounds familiar or am i worrying about nothing and he's just a shy child? i'm just fed up people just saying 'he's a boy, that what boys do' or 'my kid was like that and now look at him' or 'you're just used to your daughter and he's different'. my daughter is very bright and well behaved (the perfect child) but i am conscious not to compare them at all as i appreciate everyone is different and i love them both equally. did anyone else get these sorts of comments?
my boy has meltdowns as well- they can be triggered by absolutely anything and he goes mad. he's a bit jekyll and hyde- he can be completely calm one minute then just takes something to happen and he kicks screams, tells me he doesn't want a mummy anymore, etc. it can be really hurtful. then afterwards when he's calmed down he is the loveliest child again. for example we were driving home from school and i always bring a snack for on the way home. he said he wanted an apple which i didn't have, i said we'd be home in 5 mins and i'd get him 1 straight away and he went mad! was kicking the back of the chair, shouting and screaming, etc. and i find myself just trying not to do anything that might slightly annoy him. like all of a sudden he will want absolute silence so me and my 10 year old daughter are not allowed to talk- i feel bad for my daughter as if she tries to talk he goes mad. so it's like we are tip toeing around him.
he doesn't like a lot of noise either- won't go to the cinema, etc, no radio in the car, doesn't like hand driers (unless it's one he's interested in and will want to dry his hands for ages).
does your boy struggle to get to sleep? it takes my boy about 2 hours to get to sleep at night. i was having to lie with him but have had to stop doing that because it eats into the time i can spend 1-1 with my daughter. so i just hear him talking and singing for ages. he calls me and people say to just leave him but if i do he just has a meltdown and it then takes even longer for him to fall asleep.
sometimes i think he is just 'playing me' as he's so quiet when his grandparents, etc have him and only really has the meltdowns with me, but i really try to be firm and consistent.