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Undiagnosed 6-yr-old, mother at end of tether!

Luca's mum

Hi,

I would like some advice/help/sympathy!

I have a 6-yr-old boy who has anger issues and can be really defiant. He hurts other kids at school and was excluded for a day and a half the other week. I had a "Choices" interview with Camhs in April, but we have been on a waiting list since then, without being seen. His headmistress thinks he has Attachment Disorder, and he certainly seems to tick most of the boxes, but I am finding it hard to know how to deal with him. I am trying to set clear boundaries, but he doesn't seem to learn - the behaviour doesn't change. Instead, he resents me for punishing him.

I get really upset when we go out and he refuses to do as he's told - it makes me feel like an idiot for not being able to control a 6-yr-old! I feel like no-one wants us around and I can't take him anywhere without being really worried about his behaviour. We are due to go to Brighton this weekend, to visit friends, and I am just dreading him hurting their child, and running off or being wilfully disobedient in public. 

Any advice gratefully accepted...

Parents

  • Hi to both Cats, and thank you for replying and letting me know I am not alone with this. I know my son is not at the extreme end of the spectrum, so I should be grateful, but it is hard, all the same. 

    Colincat - my son also behaves better for other people than for me (although not at school!), but I will definitely have a word with our friends before we go to visit.

    OneBlackCat - you are so right about the understanding thing. I try and explain things to Luca as much as I can, but often my temper gets the better of me (due to time constraints), and then we get locked in a battle and I end up feeling really guilty. I just wish he would be like other children and just do as he's told, and often I don't have time to go through a lengthy explanation of why he should do something, but a tantrum ends up taking even longer! It is a long, long learning curve and I still feel at the bottom of it. I will try and find the book you recommend - thanks for that.

    Feeling a bit better today - let's see what comes... 

Reply

  • Hi to both Cats, and thank you for replying and letting me know I am not alone with this. I know my son is not at the extreme end of the spectrum, so I should be grateful, but it is hard, all the same. 

    Colincat - my son also behaves better for other people than for me (although not at school!), but I will definitely have a word with our friends before we go to visit.

    OneBlackCat - you are so right about the understanding thing. I try and explain things to Luca as much as I can, but often my temper gets the better of me (due to time constraints), and then we get locked in a battle and I end up feeling really guilty. I just wish he would be like other children and just do as he's told, and often I don't have time to go through a lengthy explanation of why he should do something, but a tantrum ends up taking even longer! It is a long, long learning curve and I still feel at the bottom of it. I will try and find the book you recommend - thanks for that.

    Feeling a bit better today - let's see what comes... 

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