First time on forum. having a VERY bad day

Hi to anyone reading this, this is the first time ive used a forum so not sure how this all works, I NEVER ask for help , not entirely sure why, just feel ive failed if I have to ask for help I suppose, but today, if nothing else, I just need to verbalise (write!)about this horrible day. I have a son who is 12 and has 'symptoms consistent with Aspergers Syndrome" ( that's as official as they will be in my area!) today he has been excluded from school because he, in the words of the school, violently assaulted another boy, by shoving him so hard that he fell and ended up with a cut and bruised head. we have been worried about this happening for so long, he is a lovely boy, very intelligent academically but not emotionally,  and has always had a problem with his temper if something doesn't go right or someone says something mean, today this boy at school accused him of cheating when he was keeping score in a school cricket match, my son protested his innocence but the boy kept on, and encouraged other boys to join in the accusation, and this was too much for my son. the school he goes to is a mainstream state school that has a specialist Aspergers/autism unit and my son has a full statement with full time TA's, we had a big struggle to find somewhere for his secondary education because of the lack of provision and have ended up having to send him to a school in a neighbouring education authority . We did visit special schools but there were none to cater for higher functioning children. This exclusion today is exactly the reason we didn't want mainstream school for him, because we feel he needs to be somwhere that can help with his lack of emotional maturity which causes his outbursts when he can't cope with something. He has come so far, I used to be at his primary school almost daily apologising for him hitting or pushing someone but this has got less and less over the years and apart from a couple of incidents where he has become upset in class, this is the first incident since he started at secondary school last September. so worried now, this is now on his school record and I don't know what we'll do if it happens again and he gets expelled. He is very depressed about the whole thing and was crying on the way home saying how unfair it is that he was born like this and that just cut me up and I just feel ive failed him. Run out of steam now and getting a bit upset so going to stop there. Any advice gratefully received! 

Parents
  • Hi, I'm sorry there is so much heightened emotion amongst some of the posts because it isn't helping anyone.  The important thing is to try + make suggestions that will help this young man at his school.  Whether these suggestions come across as blunt or tactful will depend on the poster, but all suggestions should be considered.   I'm unclear whether this young man has a TA at his present school.  Sorry if I've missed something there.  If he hasn't then his parents need to keep on fighting to get 1 who's well trained in autism.  Lots of info on this via the home page + also the ipsea site.  It appears that the school isn't doing enough for this young man.  It appears that some of his classmates are adept at winding him up so he gets into trouble.  He appears to be getting bullied.  What are the Head + others at the school saying in relation to supporting him against the bullies.  Bullying saps self confidence terribly.  As our children get older + have to cope within a mainstream setting, they need support from TAs, teachers, other staff.  Really all the adults need to be autism aware.  I hope this young man with the help of his parents can finish his education + move on with his life.  It would be awful if he had to leave because the necessary support services were lacking.

Reply
  • Hi, I'm sorry there is so much heightened emotion amongst some of the posts because it isn't helping anyone.  The important thing is to try + make suggestions that will help this young man at his school.  Whether these suggestions come across as blunt or tactful will depend on the poster, but all suggestions should be considered.   I'm unclear whether this young man has a TA at his present school.  Sorry if I've missed something there.  If he hasn't then his parents need to keep on fighting to get 1 who's well trained in autism.  Lots of info on this via the home page + also the ipsea site.  It appears that the school isn't doing enough for this young man.  It appears that some of his classmates are adept at winding him up so he gets into trouble.  He appears to be getting bullied.  What are the Head + others at the school saying in relation to supporting him against the bullies.  Bullying saps self confidence terribly.  As our children get older + have to cope within a mainstream setting, they need support from TAs, teachers, other staff.  Really all the adults need to be autism aware.  I hope this young man with the help of his parents can finish his education + move on with his life.  It would be awful if he had to leave because the necessary support services were lacking.

Children
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