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son 25 may be on spectrum

mitz

My 25 year old son was diagnosed with Crohn's disease when he was 18. This lead him to have a severe depressive episode. The mental health team eventually said that they thought he may have mild autism. He refused a diagnosis and got quite annoyed about it, so it was taken no futher. His new GP also thinks he may have it although his old GP was not convinced. Anyway he's just finished his university degree with a basic pass and can't get a job yet. He can't claim jobseekers as he saved up all the allowances he had when he was ill and has over the savings limit. He doesn't get any allowances now. He still blames my husband and I for him getting the Crohns disease, which is thankfully in remission and will not discuss ASD. On top of everything my husband has just been diagnosed with heart failure. I lost my mother with heart failure this year so this was an added blow for everyone. My son could put his savings towards my mother's bungalow which is now owned by my sister and I. If we helped him to own the property he could then probably claim jobseekers. But he prefers to live with us. We don't mind supporting him but we are now on pensions. I think if he could get a job things would look up, but they are difficult at the moment. I just wondered if anyone had any suggestions. Thanks.

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  • Former Member
    Former Member

    Hi Mitz,

    Welcome to the forum. He may be reluctant to go for an autism diagnosis as he may think that this is going to give him yet another problem on top of those that he already has. Some people (like me) find the diagnosis liberating and that it explains a load of stuff. Other people find that it just adds to their woes and it doesn't lead to any obvious solutions. Perhaps he will come round to it in time?

    You can however start to make a difference by learning more about it and dealing with him as though he has autistic tendencies. Autistic people need encouragement and not criticism, we need space and time to think on our own sometimes. We can be fussy and awkward at times but we can also be diligent and hardworking and good at solving problems. There are lots of books and also lots of advice available here on this forum so do not be afraid to ask for help here on anything that you think might be relevant.

    He may not think that his degree is worth a great deal and may be sensitive about the grade that he got. It did, however, demonstrate that he could see things through and that he is not a quitter. It is good to be able to work out someone's strengths and to work with those rather than to keep trying to fix the things that he is not good at.

    One thing that has helped me is to get more organised with to-do lists and notes on my smart phone. I constantly use this to remind me to do things that I would otherwise forget as I am more than a bit scatty and forgetful. I use a windows phone but an android phone will have very similar facilities.

    He will need to be especially careful of diet with his Chohn's disease. Does he get advice on diet for this?

    Proper exercise is useful for everyone but it is also helpful for people with depression. A brisk walk or an hours cycle riding can do more good for the mood than any number of anti-depressant pills.

    If your husband is suffering with heart problems then a healthy diet and some appropriate exercise will have been advised by the doctors. Have you implmented a healthy eating regime that suits all of your families needs?

Reply
  • Former Member
    Former Member

    Hi Mitz,

    Welcome to the forum. He may be reluctant to go for an autism diagnosis as he may think that this is going to give him yet another problem on top of those that he already has. Some people (like me) find the diagnosis liberating and that it explains a load of stuff. Other people find that it just adds to their woes and it doesn't lead to any obvious solutions. Perhaps he will come round to it in time?

    You can however start to make a difference by learning more about it and dealing with him as though he has autistic tendencies. Autistic people need encouragement and not criticism, we need space and time to think on our own sometimes. We can be fussy and awkward at times but we can also be diligent and hardworking and good at solving problems. There are lots of books and also lots of advice available here on this forum so do not be afraid to ask for help here on anything that you think might be relevant.

    He may not think that his degree is worth a great deal and may be sensitive about the grade that he got. It did, however, demonstrate that he could see things through and that he is not a quitter. It is good to be able to work out someone's strengths and to work with those rather than to keep trying to fix the things that he is not good at.

    One thing that has helped me is to get more organised with to-do lists and notes on my smart phone. I constantly use this to remind me to do things that I would otherwise forget as I am more than a bit scatty and forgetful. I use a windows phone but an android phone will have very similar facilities.

    He will need to be especially careful of diet with his Chohn's disease. Does he get advice on diet for this?

    Proper exercise is useful for everyone but it is also helpful for people with depression. A brisk walk or an hours cycle riding can do more good for the mood than any number of anti-depressant pills.

    If your husband is suffering with heart problems then a healthy diet and some appropriate exercise will have been advised by the doctors. Have you implmented a healthy eating regime that suits all of your families needs?

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