Struggling to connect with my teenage daughter and understand how best to support her – looking for advice from other parents 
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I’m a mum to a 14-year-old daughter who I strongly suspect may be autistic, although she is currently undiagnosed. The difficulty I’m facing is that she doesn’t want to entertain the idea of autism at all. She isn’t interested in exploring it, discussing it or considering an assessment.
I’m finding this increasingly difficult as I want so much to understand her better, connect with her and make sure I’m supporting her in the right way. Sometimes I feel like I’m trying to understand a world that she doesn’t want to let me into, and I’m not always sure how to get through to her without making her feel that I’m constantly analysing her or suggesting there’s something different about her.
I worry about whether I’m getting things right as a mum. I don’t want to push her towards a label or make her feel that I’m trying to change who she is. Equally, I worry that without understanding what’s going on for her, I might miss opportunities to support her or recognise when she’s struggling.
With GCSEs approaching, I’m also increasingly anxious about what the next few years will look like. How will she manage the pressure, expectations and transition into adulthood if she doesn’t have the understanding or support she might need?
I suppose my biggest worry isn’t necessarily about getting a diagnosis; it’s about being able to connect with my daughter, understand her perspective and help her navigate life in a way that works for her.
I’d really love to hear from other parents who have been in a similar position:
- Have you had a teenager who completely rejected the idea of being autistic?
- How did you approach conversations without making them feel labelled or pressured?
- How do you support your child when they don’t recognise or acknowledge the difficulties you see?
- Have you found ways to build a better connection and understanding?
- How did you navigate school, GCSEs and future support without a diagnosis?
I love my daughter and want her to feel accepted exactly as she is. I just want to understand her better and make sure she knows I’m on her side, even when I don’t always get it right.
I would really appreciate hearing your experiences, advice and any reassurance from parents who have been through something similar. ️