Refusing to claim benefits

Hello, I have the same situation too with my son who is soon to be 37. He was diagnosed when he was 13 ( plus ADHD ) but had lots of problems in education and socially.  It is a huge worry and it’s really hard knowing what to do or how to help. I am hoping to be able to persuade him to go to a charity to get independent advice regarding benefits as I think if someone else advises him rather than mum or dad, he might possibly listen. I am also contemplating the services of a life coach if he is open to that, but so far hasn’t been. I do totally understand your worries and wish I could suggest something to help but I am at a loss too. Maybe others here could offer possible suggestions for us both to explore. 

Thank you so much for your reply. Sometimes it’s just good to know that it’s not just you going through this. It’s so hard isn’t it? We are both now in our late 60s and do worry what the future will be for our son after we have gone. Sending lots of love to you and your family xxx

Yes it’s good to know you are not alone. We too are older parents.

I’m also thinking of setting up a disabled persons trust to help provide for the future when we are not here ( a friend has set this up via a solicitor recommended by Mencap)  That way if they do go onto benefits any money they have or property over £6000 won’t be included as their capital and risk having their benefits reduced or stopped. 

If your son does not already receive Personalised Independent Payments ( PIP) , its worth exploring applying for that as it’s not means tested and does provide a  very small income.  it’s not based on work either so there’s no need to prove your son  is looking for work. 

There is a brilliant website called Benefits and Works which explains about the benefits and give a guides as to eligibility and how to claim - https://benefitsandwork.co.uk/

with love and hugs x

Thank you so much. I really do appreciate having someone who relates to what’s going on for us. Friends keep telling us that we should make him do this, that and the other. They really don’t get it. These are young men not young children any more. If our son decides he doesn’t want to do something that’s it. I also find my son doesn’t act like a 39 year old. He’s more teenage like. He’s also a hoarder and we can’t get in his bedroom to do anything so you can imagine the state of his room. And don’t get me started on his hygiene. We love him very much and he will always have a home with us but at times it can be so stressful.

Sorry I’ve ranted in a bit there . It’s just nice to talk to someone who gets it.

Thank you so much xx

Thank you so much. I really do appreciate having someone who relates to what’s going on for us. Friends keep telling us that we should make him do this, that and the other. They really don’t get it. These are young men not young children any more. If our son decides he doesn’t want to do something that’s it. I also find my son doesn’t act like a 39 year old. He’s more teenage like. He’s also a hoarder and we can’t get in his bedroom to do anything so you can imagine the state of his room. And don’t get me started on his hygiene. We love him very much and he will always have a home with us but at times it can be so stressful.

Sorry I’ve ranted in a bit there . It’s just nice to talk to someone who gets it.

Thank you so much xx