How do you help your child know what's happening each week?

Good morning from America, Esen!

I’m AuDHD and so is my eldest child. If you use levels to identify an Autistic person’s need for support (I usually don’t), I would likely rate as a level one while my daughter is closer to being a level two, based on how much support I needed as a child versus how much she needs. I like lists, so I’ll answer your flurry of questions with a manicured list!

1. We occasionally have used a visual aid with our daughter for morning/bedtime routines during times of great change (primarily after we moved to a different state and whenever school starts/ends). We usually only stick with it for a week or two, but it certainly helps. I think one reason why we wean off of it so quickly is that once she gets the procedure down, she doesn’t require the visual aid quite as much. It also could be that we are too lazy as parents, but I prefer not to have that conclusion lol. The last visual aid we used was a laminated pictorial list of actions with a velcro checkmark she can cover them with once completed. We have found that having a physical action to complete a task (such as our velcro checkmark or marking a tally) is just as important as the visual stimulus of a list.

2.We try to prep her as soon as we can, making her aware that a change is imminent before it happens. That significantly reduces her anxiety going into an unfamiliar or unwanted situation. Good news is that she is much more flexible now (age 8) than she was a few years ago, so we’re not quite as concerned with this as we used to be. Possibly that has occurred because we have had many instances of surprising her with good things? Such as surprise trips to the zoo or park. Plausibly that makes it more likely she will not dread changes in plan, since some times when a change happens it is a situation that is better than the usual grind.

3. That’s trickier, for sure. Our parents are definitely aware of the Autism, but they have no idea how to deal with it (though my mother may have an advantage having been a preschool aide for decades). We have made it clear what our boundaries are in regards to disciplining our children, so it is unlikely they will ever physically discipline them. When it comes to things we cannot anticipate, such as meltdowns, the best we can do is model how we deal with those situations in front of our parents. In regards to predictable routines, we just write down exactly what she needs/when and my wife tends to perfectly set them up for success by labelling everything in our daughters’ travel bags (my wife and younger daughter may both have OCD lol).

4. What hasn’t worked - at least yet - is allowing our daughter to completely take care of herself with no direction. Even with a visual aide, we still need to direct her to continue from task to task. It may be years before we feel comfortable to trust her with that again. She just gets way too distracted to a point where she regularly forgets if she wiped after pottying before getting up. That’s okay, we all reach independence at different rates, especially when Autism is part of the equation.

Thank you, this is really helpful ️. The bit about the Velcro tick being as important as the pictures really stood out. Out of interest, the last time you made the laminated list, how did you make it and how long did it take? And when your parents last looked after her, what did you write down for them? Thank you again!

Thank you, this is really helpful ️. The bit about the Velcro tick being as important as the pictures really stood out. Out of interest, the last time you made the laminated list, how did you make it and how long did it take? And when your parents last looked after her, what did you write down for them? Thank you again!

The laminated list was made at my wife’s workplace (she’s a school district’s physical therapist). A coworker designed the graphics for the list while I think my wife applied the lamination and velcro. Unfortunately lamination isn’t always easily accessible. Here in the States you may be able to connect with an educator with access to one, but I don’t know the best way to find one in the UK. I think it just took a day for them to make ours, but I think they thought up the plan a week ahead.

My wife usually handles what is written down. The main things seem to be 1. A to-do list of the order the kids are used to doing activities (ex. They usually have dinner around 5:00-6:00 PM). 2. Any medications are ziplocked in a baggie and labelled with permanent marker. Hygiene products are usually bagged and labeled, too. 3. If they are staying multiple days, we might add a paper designating with outfits go with what girl (they’re three years apart yet wear the same sizes) for what day.