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Need help with my son and school one very stressed mum

beccaamy1991

Hi 

I’m a new member. I have no one to speak to about these things so thought i would give this a go Wave

So my son is 4. I’ve thought he’s had autism a while but I’ve really struggled with getting help or someone to listen to me. He is largely non verbal he can say a few words such as drink, eat, bed so mainly his needs. The last couple of weeks he has been attempting to say more which I am so pleased about. He’s been to speech therapy once then I was told there’s nothing more that can be done at the moment so was discharged. He is very sensory seeking so spends a lot of the time flapping things around such as bits of paper and teddies and just generally walking about babbling to himself. He enjoys a lot of physical stuff like spinning and jumping. 

Anyway in July just before he started school (mainstream) I had a meeting with the senco. She referred him for an autism assessment and early help. He started school in September on a reduced timetable until 11am. He did a few weeks of that then they added 15 minutes he didn’t cope well with that as after they came back in from break time he got distressed and would cry until I picked him up so went back to 11am. Today I went for my first team around the family meeting. To say it didn’t go well would be an understatement. It’s nothing I didn’t expect but was still upsetting. The senco have said he doesn’t engage in any learning, the have a specialist going to assess him to see how they can help him in the classroom. She said he spends most of his time outside alone and not interacting, or doing his paper flapping. They’ve started noting down when he hurts others. To me this sounds like frustration as the times he’s doing it is when a “normal” child would just say what it is they want. He scratches and hits mainly the teaching assistant, I feel awful about this but I know he isn’t doing it to be nasty. It is frustration. 

I just feel so alone and helpless, I don’t know what to do. He isn’t any trouble at home in fact he’s very happy. Makes me feel so guilty for sending him. I suppose my question is will this ever get better? What’s the likely outcome of all of this? He’s only been there 6 weeks and I feel so deflated and unsure what the future holds for him. 

sorry for the long post I just need somewhere to vent to people that understand. Any advice is very welcome Hugging 

Parents

  • It sounds like he could do with a specialist setting. I understand this is difficult when you don't have a diagnosis or EHCP. In a smaller setting you might see improvements in his ability to manage. It is good that the senco has put in a referral but it sounds like it might be too long to wait.

    Honestly, I wouldn't worry about the learning part right now. Legally they don't actually have to start school until they are 5. Him feeling calm and happy is far more important. 

    What strategies are the school putting in place to support him? Are they using visuals with him to support his understanding and communication? Are they doing any sensory activities with him to help him regulate?

    I also wouldn't worry too much about him spending time alone unless he seems upset by this. Some autistic kids are just happier than way.

    I can understand the school recording when he has hurt people but it is important they are also recording what was happening at the time. This way they may be able to look for patterns and start to understand what is triggering him.

    I'm sorry mainstream is so rubbish for autistic kids. I don't know whether it would be possible in your area but it may be worth looking into. Some mainstream schools have communication bases. Unlike autism specific bases, communication bases don't always require diagnosis/EHCP. It could be worth having a look at other schools and see if any of them are better set up to support a child with your son's needs.

    Try to remember that he is very lucky because he has a supportive mum there to do everything she can to try and help him.

Reply

  • It sounds like he could do with a specialist setting. I understand this is difficult when you don't have a diagnosis or EHCP. In a smaller setting you might see improvements in his ability to manage. It is good that the senco has put in a referral but it sounds like it might be too long to wait.

    Honestly, I wouldn't worry about the learning part right now. Legally they don't actually have to start school until they are 5. Him feeling calm and happy is far more important. 

    What strategies are the school putting in place to support him? Are they using visuals with him to support his understanding and communication? Are they doing any sensory activities with him to help him regulate?

    I also wouldn't worry too much about him spending time alone unless he seems upset by this. Some autistic kids are just happier than way.

    I can understand the school recording when he has hurt people but it is important they are also recording what was happening at the time. This way they may be able to look for patterns and start to understand what is triggering him.

    I'm sorry mainstream is so rubbish for autistic kids. I don't know whether it would be possible in your area but it may be worth looking into. Some mainstream schools have communication bases. Unlike autism specific bases, communication bases don't always require diagnosis/EHCP. It could be worth having a look at other schools and see if any of them are better set up to support a child with your son's needs.

    Try to remember that he is very lucky because he has a supportive mum there to do everything she can to try and help him.

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