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Autistic opinions on school refusal

NAS63645

Hi everyone,

My son is 11, autistic and has a long history of school refusal. How should I deal with it? 

He attends a very understanding and accommodating special school. I, myself try my best to be understanding and accommodating. 

I would love to know the autistic view of school refusal. The view of parents is welcome too. 


Is the school system at fault for expecting attendance 9am - 3pm Monday - Friday?

Should I be firm with my son about attending on days when he is hiding under his bedcovers refusing to get dressed? (It’s not every day)

Should I sanction him for not attending by taking something away?

Should I be kind and understanding and let him get away with whatever he wants? 

I am conscious that as a non-autistic person, I can’t feel what he feels, which is why I am looking for some autistic-friendly input, so that I don’t do the wrong thing and mess up his development.

Many thanks!

Parents

  • I think it's difficult to comment without knowing your son or the reasons for his school refusal. If it is anxiety based then I would be very wary of sanctioning him in any way as it would basically be punishing him for having feelings.

    I don't think sanctioning would work well in any case because it'd make school more negative. However, I may be tempted to have rules that are similar to him being in school, particularly if it is a case of there being preferred things at home. Nothing too great but if he likes to game for example, I may say no gaming during school hours so that home isn't just a preferable thing to school. 

    Can he communicate why he doesn't want to go to school? How does he manage when he does go to school?

    I am wary of giving you any advice that may not be suitable for your son in particular.

Reply

  • I think it's difficult to comment without knowing your son or the reasons for his school refusal. If it is anxiety based then I would be very wary of sanctioning him in any way as it would basically be punishing him for having feelings.

    I don't think sanctioning would work well in any case because it'd make school more negative. However, I may be tempted to have rules that are similar to him being in school, particularly if it is a case of there being preferred things at home. Nothing too great but if he likes to game for example, I may say no gaming during school hours so that home isn't just a preferable thing to school. 

    Can he communicate why he doesn't want to go to school? How does he manage when he does go to school?

    I am wary of giving you any advice that may not be suitable for your son in particular.

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