Autistic opinions on school refusal

I was a school refuser in secondary school, I was being bullied and I hated it, I hated everything about school and just wouldn't go, or rather I left the house, but just didn't go to school.

I remember on the first day of the second year of infants having to be dragged kicking and screaming into the classroom, I really didn't want to be there and didn't see why I had to be, afterall, I'd already done two terms in the reception class.

The whole school experience felt like such an assault, I'd never played with more than one other child before going to school and didn't know there were so many children in the world, or that they could be so loud! I had constant headaches from the noise. Other children wouldn't leave me alone and I was often called selfish because I literally didn't know how to share. It was a massive culture shock, people did things differently, had sliced bread and cut their sandwiches into triangles, we had uncut bread and just cut sandwiches in half or maybe quarters, it was the little things like that being constantly commented on negatively that really hurt and upset me, let alone the bigger things, like us not living in a council house and my dad not driving a car, or me being an only child.

As I moved through school it got worse not better, "could do better" was a phrase that followed me through school, of course when I was a child things like dyslexia didn't exist let alone autism.

I think my childhood was a state of more or less constant confusion and disapointment, what I now realise to be overwhelmed to the point of burnout.

I was in the last group taught to read, so I was 6 before I was introduced to the alphabet and what letters could be put together to make words, it didn't make much sense at all, untill all of a sudden it did. I think thats quite common with reading, it never happened with maths though, I reamain terrible at maths, partly because of learning difficulties and partly because of poor teaching. I was never any good at making up stories, or spelling and my art was awful.

I left school with nothing.

A few years later and I was mixing with different people to those I grew up with, people who valued education and I started to be embarrassed at my lack of education and knowlege in general, So I remembered that my favourite subject at school was history and I went to the library and picked a book on the Tudors when I remembered from school and started reading, I've never stopped, once I read the history section in the library end to end and realised there was a thing called prehistory, I was off, I didn't enjoy anything after the Civil War, it all made my eyes glaze over. In my 40's I went to university and got a 2:1 in medieval history.

So don't despair that your son will never learn, but he may not be ready to learn yet. Maybe try and get him some art therapy to get to the bottom of why he's refusing to go to school. Art thereapy is good as it allows someone to express emotions they don't have words for and a bit a gentle questioning about his pictures could bring a whole new level of understanding for you, him and the school, it could be something big, but it's more likely to be one or two small things, that make it difficult for him.

I was a school refuser in secondary school, I was being bullied and I hated it, I hated everything about school and just wouldn't go, or rather I left the house, but just didn't go to school.

I remember on the first day of the second year of infants having to be dragged kicking and screaming into the classroom, I really didn't want to be there and didn't see why I had to be, afterall, I'd already done two terms in the reception class.

The whole school experience felt like such an assault, I'd never played with more than one other child before going to school and didn't know there were so many children in the world, or that they could be so loud! I had constant headaches from the noise. Other children wouldn't leave me alone and I was often called selfish because I literally didn't know how to share. It was a massive culture shock, people did things differently, had sliced bread and cut their sandwiches into triangles, we had uncut bread and just cut sandwiches in half or maybe quarters, it was the little things like that being constantly commented on negatively that really hurt and upset me, let alone the bigger things, like us not living in a council house and my dad not driving a car, or me being an only child.

As I moved through school it got worse not better, "could do better" was a phrase that followed me through school, of course when I was a child things like dyslexia didn't exist let alone autism.

I think my childhood was a state of more or less constant confusion and disapointment, what I now realise to be overwhelmed to the point of burnout.

I was in the last group taught to read, so I was 6 before I was introduced to the alphabet and what letters could be put together to make words, it didn't make much sense at all, untill all of a sudden it did. I think thats quite common with reading, it never happened with maths though, I reamain terrible at maths, partly because of learning difficulties and partly because of poor teaching. I was never any good at making up stories, or spelling and my art was awful.

I left school with nothing.

A few years later and I was mixing with different people to those I grew up with, people who valued education and I started to be embarrassed at my lack of education and knowlege in general, So I remembered that my favourite subject at school was history and I went to the library and picked a book on the Tudors when I remembered from school and started reading, I've never stopped, once I read the history section in the library end to end and realised there was a thing called prehistory, I was off, I didn't enjoy anything after the Civil War, it all made my eyes glaze over. In my 40's I went to university and got a 2:1 in medieval history.

So don't despair that your son will never learn, but he may not be ready to learn yet. Maybe try and get him some art therapy to get to the bottom of why he's refusing to go to school. Art thereapy is good as it allows someone to express emotions they don't have words for and a bit a gentle questioning about his pictures could bring a whole new level of understanding for you, him and the school, it could be something big, but it's more likely to be one or two small things, that make it difficult for him.