Santa

Hoo boy, this is a tough one for me, because I disagree with my wife about this.

Our daughter (age 8, Autism/ADHD) still believes in Santa. My wife - and literally every other member of my extended family - thinks this is adorable and want to encourage her to believe it. I am adamantly against continuing to lie to her, but my hands are tied. My fear is that she is going to lose trust in us when she figures it out, since she has a very black/white way of thinking.

If she’s anything like me, then the realization that Santa isn’t real is likely to be the first domino to drop towards her becoming agnostic atheist like I am now. I don’t want to be completely responsible for her losing the Christianity that is currently important to her. My wife, of course, thinks it’s ridiculous that I equate those two seemingly unlike concepts. But hey, if Santa isn’t real despite everything grownups told me throughout childhood, then God probably isn’t as well, right? I don’t think that’s a stretch of the imagination at all.

I’m not trying to scare you, I’m trying to show empathy. I get that fear you’re explaining. Unfortunately I’m not far enough along in the process to give you a straight yes/no answer, but I do think it is a topic that we unfortunately ignore society-wide for no good reason. I believe Autistic children are more vulnerable to believing elaborate lies and also feeling even more immensely duped once that façade is lifted.

My advice is to bring it up gently and soon. Homebird ‘s advice to equate it to the tooth fairy is sound, for you can explain that it is just fun to pretend and imagine that they exist (which explains why other kids may still believe in it). I remember my gut reaction to learning when I was a kid was that I was devastated because I thought that meant my sister and I would no longer get presents. With that in mind, it might be a good idea to note that nothing is different after learning that he isn’t real. Santa is just a fun story to illustrate helping others and does not impact how we celebrate the day.

Boy, I hope that helps. I’m glad that you are considering the implications of something like this. It shows that you truly care about your son’s emotional well-being!

Hoo boy, this is a tough one for me, because I disagree with my wife about this.

Our daughter (age 8, Autism/ADHD) still believes in Santa. My wife - and literally every other member of my extended family - thinks this is adorable and want to encourage her to believe it. I am adamantly against continuing to lie to her, but my hands are tied. My fear is that she is going to lose trust in us when she figures it out, since she has a very black/white way of thinking.

If she’s anything like me, then the realization that Santa isn’t real is likely to be the first domino to drop towards her becoming agnostic atheist like I am now. I don’t want to be completely responsible for her losing the Christianity that is currently important to her. My wife, of course, thinks it’s ridiculous that I equate those two seemingly unlike concepts. But hey, if Santa isn’t real despite everything grownups told me throughout childhood, then God probably isn’t as well, right? I don’t think that’s a stretch of the imagination at all.

I’m not trying to scare you, I’m trying to show empathy. I get that fear you’re explaining. Unfortunately I’m not far enough along in the process to give you a straight yes/no answer, but I do think it is a topic that we unfortunately ignore society-wide for no good reason. I believe Autistic children are more vulnerable to believing elaborate lies and also feeling even more immensely duped once that façade is lifted.

My advice is to bring it up gently and soon. Homebird ‘s advice to equate it to the tooth fairy is sound, for you can explain that it is just fun to pretend and imagine that they exist (which explains why other kids may still believe in it). I remember my gut reaction to learning when I was a kid was that I was devastated because I thought that meant my sister and I would no longer get presents. With that in mind, it might be a good idea to note that nothing is different after learning that he isn’t real. Santa is just a fun story to illustrate helping others and does not impact how we celebrate the day.

Boy, I hope that helps. I’m glad that you are considering the implications of something like this. It shows that you truly care about your son’s emotional well-being!