I'm very distraught. I'm the husband of a late-diagnosed autistic woman.
There's a lot to this story, so I'll summarise.
Basically, over the last 2 years things have been going increasingly wrong. My wife vents all her frustration against me constantly. She tries to engage me in arguments to nowhere. Asks me what to do, and straight away plays the demand avoidance card. I'm basically in a situation where I'm being verbally attacked, made responsible for everything, not listened to and dragged into impossible, illogical situations on a daily basis.
We had a couples therapist specialised in neurodivergent couples for a while. I called the therapy off because I wasn't getting any benefit from it, quite the contrary. One of the reasons to start having therapy was that I wanted a neutral witness to what was going on, as often arguments with my wife would end up with her completely fabricating things or denying she'd said something that she 100% had said. I needed to establish some sort of consensual reality, not just for the sake of resolving issues but for my mental health.
I did not get what I sought. What I got was instructions to accept more, to be more patient, to adapt more. The thing is, by that point in time, I had already done a tonne of what I was being told to do and I was reaching the limit of what I could do and take.
My mental health was deteriorating fast. I told both my wife and the therapist in several instances, but little notice was taken by either. The only important person during therapy appeared to be my wife. Once we terminated therapy, we had to submit a questionnaire. The result of that was that the therapist was suddenly concerned about my mental health and recommended that I saw my own therapist... I didn't know what to think and say. I had just been through many months of therapy to no avail. My constant cries for help ignored and at the end being told that I was mentally unwell! A lot of what I was suffering was caused by the feeling of not being heard in couples therapy and now I was told to get therapy for that.
I'm now at the point where my mental health has gone down the drain. Doing some web searching, I suddenly came across Cassandra Syndrome. I was in shock. It described perfectly what I am going through. I was in disbelief. How could a therapist completely overlook this during our sessions?
My wife looks and acts normal in any social situation but when we're alone her behaviour and actions can often be pretty extreme. No one I talk to takes me seriously because they can't imagine her acting like I describe. I feel completely alone in my misery.
Now I'm broken, feeling sorry for myself, angry and bitter. I feel completely let down and don't know what to do.
Since I found out about Cassandra Syndrome, things with my wife have only got worse. In a way, learning this has helped me understand that I'm not going crazy and I guess that's a good thing. I've started protecting myself by setting boundaries, but my wife takes this as an attack.
I've been reading my journal, and there are many mentions of how over the past few months I've communicated to my wife the serious concerns about my mental health and how every time they were dismissed. We had a massive row last night in which I pointed this out. She now says that she's heard me. I don't know what to think. It always takes for me to completely break down before any notice is taken.
I see very little hope in the future of our marriage.
I'm not expecting any answers. I'm just venting, as I have no one to talk to.