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14yo daughter teasing 11yo autistic brother

JDKC

I am really struggling with this situation and would appreciate any advice or support from someone who has experienced a similar situation. 

My son was diagnosed adhd 4 years ago, and ASD only in the last few months. He is extremely sensitive and cannot take a joke or teasing.

His big sister often smirks or makes unkind remarks when he is struggling to manage his emotional responses. I think she has probably always resented the attention he gets due to his diagnoses and need for extra attention from me (Mum), so I can understand where this stems from. 

I find it so hard to not step in and tell her off when she blatantly teases him though, which inevitably ends in people getting upset (generally me and my son both). 

My husband prefers to leave them to it, but I find this really hard to do, when I can see my son rising to her bait every time. 

It's go to the point where I'm even seriously considering moving out of the family home with my son (at least until my daughter matures, learns some sensitivity and wises up a bit). 

Has anyone out there been through this situation and can offer any practical advice. I am sick of the cycle we are in with this. If it's a phase it's been going on too long!

TIA>

Parents

  • Have you tried having a proper, in depth conversation with your daughter about it? (rather than just telling her off and getting upset with her?). And maybe include her brother too? So this is something you work together on as a team. Is it something you can discuss together as a family and each person be able to take turns to discuss how they feel? What they need? Why they get angry? What they would like to do about it? How can other family members help? I think moving out with your son would be very damaging for your relationship with your daughter and could affect her for life. Are you able to dedicate some time each week that could be mother and daughter time, where you can do something together that your daughter would enjoy? Your son is lucky that he has your understanding and empathy and that he is protected by you, but I am sure your daughter needs you too. Hopefully this is something you can all work together on as a family, recognising that you each have feelings and needs, (including your daughter) and that we all need to try to understand each other and be kind to each other.

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  • Have you tried having a proper, in depth conversation with your daughter about it? (rather than just telling her off and getting upset with her?). And maybe include her brother too? So this is something you work together on as a team. Is it something you can discuss together as a family and each person be able to take turns to discuss how they feel? What they need? Why they get angry? What they would like to do about it? How can other family members help? I think moving out with your son would be very damaging for your relationship with your daughter and could affect her for life. Are you able to dedicate some time each week that could be mother and daughter time, where you can do something together that your daughter would enjoy? Your son is lucky that he has your understanding and empathy and that he is protected by you, but I am sure your daughter needs you too. Hopefully this is something you can all work together on as a family, recognising that you each have feelings and needs, (including your daughter) and that we all need to try to understand each other and be kind to each other.

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