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Two scenarios - 5yo boy with PDA

ukasddad

Trying to figure out two sets of behaviour we see from our 5 year old boy, who has a diagnosis of autism with a PDA profile.

1. Summer, playing in the garden, frisbees or tennis balls sometimes accidentally go over the fence. No problem, we go round to get it. As soon as he gets back, he's making sure it goes over the fence again, then going round again, and again and again until we step in to avoid exhausting the neighbour's goodwill. Can anyone figure out why?

My only theory is he likes the independence of solving his own problem - he opens the front door on his own (stool), takes the stool round, stands on it to press their doorbell, very politely asks, they agree, he usually brings the stool back. On the most recent iteration, he told me I didn't need to accompany him. Obviously we feel that 5yo is a bit young to be off unsupervised...

Any other ideas or does that seem plausible? Any ideas to manage the risk, or redirect his desires?

2. Pre-meditated violence. Sometimes we, or his sister, will trigger him in some way (like saying no, or getting in his personal space), and get an immediate violent reaction, hitting or biting, in less than half a second. Our understanding is that this is primarily a fight-or-flight response associated with PDA. Fine.

However, he is also capable of somewhat pre-meditated violence, where he informs you it's coming, he'll go off and find the right object to throw at you or hit you with, navigate the room and carefully deliver what he said. If you ignore, push back or double down it will continue as planned. But sometimes if you constructively engage him early enough, that gets scaled down to barely a light pat on the leg - which tells me he's still using his thinking brain - it can't be fight or flight.

So my only theory here is the autism highly developed sense of justice, and he feels he's delivering warranted retribution. But he has to deliver something, hence the lightest of pats.

Any other ideas or does that seem plausible? Any ideas to manage the risk, or redirect his desires?

Parents

  • These are difficult scenarios, particularly with PDA. Your reasoning for the first one sounds plausible but it's difficult to truly know. Repetition and something he can control may also come into it. I wonder whether you could try and problem solve with him about the neighbours getting disturbed. What could we do to stop the balls going over so much? If he enjoys the problem solving, perhaps he will engage with thinking of other solutions and then direct his energy into new solutions. I think you are right about 5 being too young to go on his own, PDA or not, some things aren't negotiable so I would personally stick to the safety boundary with that one.

    For the second one. It is difficult to give advice. But I know exactly the behaviour you are talking about. I have seen it before with a couple of kids I've worked with who also had a PDA profile. Whilst I agree he can't be in total fight or flight, my observations in other kids was that there were not calm either. It was like all their thoughts got completely stuck on this. You may well be right and it may be the sense of justice and his thoughts can't move on until he feels that has been rectified. I think this is a very difficult behaviour to manage. Can he discuss feelings at all? As he gets older you may be able to discuss this behaviour with him more and perhaps use some of the problem solving again to see what else he could do when he feels like that.

    It sounds like you have a very good understanding of your son and his needs. I am sure parenting PDA must be a challenge at times. I wish you luck with trying to find solutions to these behaviours.

Reply

  • These are difficult scenarios, particularly with PDA. Your reasoning for the first one sounds plausible but it's difficult to truly know. Repetition and something he can control may also come into it. I wonder whether you could try and problem solve with him about the neighbours getting disturbed. What could we do to stop the balls going over so much? If he enjoys the problem solving, perhaps he will engage with thinking of other solutions and then direct his energy into new solutions. I think you are right about 5 being too young to go on his own, PDA or not, some things aren't negotiable so I would personally stick to the safety boundary with that one.

    For the second one. It is difficult to give advice. But I know exactly the behaviour you are talking about. I have seen it before with a couple of kids I've worked with who also had a PDA profile. Whilst I agree he can't be in total fight or flight, my observations in other kids was that there were not calm either. It was like all their thoughts got completely stuck on this. You may well be right and it may be the sense of justice and his thoughts can't move on until he feels that has been rectified. I think this is a very difficult behaviour to manage. Can he discuss feelings at all? As he gets older you may be able to discuss this behaviour with him more and perhaps use some of the problem solving again to see what else he could do when he feels like that.

    It sounds like you have a very good understanding of your son and his needs. I am sure parenting PDA must be a challenge at times. I wish you luck with trying to find solutions to these behaviours.

Children
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