Hi.
My daughter (early 20's) was diagnosed with autism roughly 3 years ago. My wife had suspected it since her early teens and it was investigated through school who dismissed it and said there was nothing obvious to them to suggest autism.
In the later years of school life she struggled mentally and it has carried on into adulthood. It's only with what we know now about how she was feeling at the time that we can see how much she was masking and how much of a toll that was taking on her, which was probably a big reason for her poor mental health.
Since her diagnosis she has slowly improved mental health wise however in other ways she's regressed. She was quite a fun loving kid always laughing and giggling but now you have to be extremely careful how you speak to her and try and avoid doing something that might upset her. This is causing a lot of friction and, as we have another child who is a few years younger with poor mental health, it is a constant source of stress in our home as we have to try and protect them without making her feel worse.
The reason for this post is I need advice in what is reasonable to accept in terms of what is demanded of us and at what point do you challenge the behaviours that cause the distress? Can you challenge it at all? I've honestly no idea what is to be accepted and what isn't.
A lot of it is passive aggressive behaviour and without the diagnosis you wouldn't put up with it but the fear is making her worse mentally if we were to say something.
The main issue at the minute is her relationship with her mum. She is constantly falling out with her over the smallest of things. She'll go days without talkng to her over a comment which is perfectly innocent but she takes in a negative manner and then won't listen to any explanation to try and clarify what has been said and this obviously upsets my wife. This then spirals and ends up affecting the mood of the whole house and it is a constant cycle. Although she's not happy when I do, she doesn't respond the same way to me when i say something similar to what my wife has said.
I'm sorry for the long post. I just felt a bit of background was needed as there are very extreme levels of autism which is why it's so hard to find advice.
I would just like to know if we should be able to expect her to to do more from her end or if we just have to put up with the status quo.
Thanks.
