Today has been a school holiday which usually I love but I've been really struggling over the past days. I wouldn't change anything but the past few days I've been struggling and that makes me annoyed with myself.
Both my older sons are on the autistic spectrum. My middle son has a lot of issues with social interaction and doesn't have any friends in his year at school (although interacts well with his brothers and adults).
If my son is anxious he will often wet/soil himself at home ... generally not at school. He's not done it for some time but over the past few days it's been happening more and more. Today twice. To my shame, I got cross with him about it this morning and I feel so ashamed.
Both my husband and I have tried talking with him and bringing the subject around to anything upsetting him but he can't tell us and we don't push it. He's seeking a lot of reassurance and this evening I heard talking in bed saying "My Mummy loves me, I love my Mum. My Mummy loves me, I love my Mum" over and over again and then the same about his Dad. I feel so bad 
One of his traits is constantly talking in a monotone, listing what he's going to do or what he's done ... sometimes he will look for us to listen to him and other times he's talking to himself ... but there's nothing being said to give us any clues what's bothering him.
I love my boys and wouldn't want them to be anything other than they are but sometimes it breaks my heart that my lad is limited in his communication. We took a picture on holiday (well lots!) and when we looked at it later realised that he was sitting in front of a garden with a "private" notice on the gate ... the word "private" is right beside his head and it seems to appropriate ... his wee mind is private and I can't be part of it!
Sorry for rambling on, I feel blue and have to keep reminding myself this isn't all about me.
