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11 year old girl recent diagnoses

Amie

I have an 11 year old girl that has been recently diagnosed with ASC, at the moment she doesn’t want to talk about it much and to be honest I’m unsure with how to put her at ease with it. She masks it really well at school but has known she is different for a few years and would frequently ask why she wasn’t like her friends. Myself and my husband pushed for a diagnosis and she was told on the day along with us the outcome, but she has recently voiced she feels as if it’s ruined everything, we are also going through the first stages of her periods so her emotions are super high and we are all trying to navigate this new chapter in the dark. 
any help or advice would be much appreciated. 

  • Hello - I am an ex-Assistant Head who is autistic (late diagnosis) and has other complex neurodiverse conditions. I wondered if you have heard of Place to Be? It is a charity that specialise in child counselling. This may be of some support if your daughter would be open to meeting with them. It can be arranged through your SENDCo (SENCo) at school - if the school doesn't use Place 2 Be they may have another counselling service instead. Counselling is not just about grief/trauma it can be about anything and this sounds like your daughter could really use some help coming to terms with her condition. It won't change who she is - she will always be the same. She can function, lead a good life and apply herself to anything she wants to - I am living proof of that! I'm also wondering if you have contacted your Local Authority/Council SEND/SEN Team? If needed it might be a good time to put in for an EHCP (Education, Health and Care Plan) Assessment it is a 20 week process - have a look at the IPSEA website as they are really helpful in explaining what happens etc. The Local Authority/Council SEND/SEN team should also have a vast directory of support, information, advice and guidance for you as a parent/carer and for your daughter. Either they or the SENDCo may be able to refer to the SEND Advisor for your area - they are specialist teachers and may be able to provide information, advice, guidance and potentially hold discussions with both parents and child. As always unfortunately you might have to advocate strongly on your daughters behalf to get these things into place and moving forwards. Additionally, each Council/Local Authority works differently BUT the EHCP Assessment process will not change as its a legal process. I hope that this provides you with support - if I can think of anything else I will add another reply - it has been 3yrs since I was in Education for my own personal reasons but I dont think things have changed massively in that time.

  • Hey that's pretty rough going, big changes all at the same time. 

    Have you watched/ read much with positive autistic characters? A lot of what you read about autism is all about the negatives, so it can make you feel a bit down and yourself. Maybe see if she tried to tell anyone and it didn't go down well? 

    My son got diagnosed at 11 last December, and I've tried to expose him to real autistic people that are relatable. I got him

    • A kind of Spark, and it's sequel Keedie, been meaning to watch the program they made of it too.
    • He watched celebratory traitors and it was great to be able to point out Cat Burns.
    • He likes a bit of task master and Fern Brady on series 14 is artistic.
    • I also just got this week two more books, A different sort of Normal, and This is not the Diary of Izzy Dobson by the same author -the first is an account of the author being diagnosed but the book is very accessible to young people, and the second is a fiction with the main character discovering her neurodivergence during the book. 
    • I also remembered when he was diagnosed I got him Being Autistic as a good positive. 
    • Pointing out of springwatch the Chris Packham is diagnosed too.
    • We did also watch a bit of Dinosaur, it's a bit older, so maybe watch it first, but we've been letting watch some things like that and talking about any topics that do come up as it's we have to talk about these things anyway at some point.

    Generally trying to show him that it's okay to be autistic and you can still do things with a diagnosis. 

    I also ended up being diagnosed, so I talked to him about things I find hard too and how I deal with it, or things I need to get his dad to do for me. Even if you don't have anything like that, even talking about strengths and weaknesses generally might make her feel better about herself?

    Hope it helps a little, hope it calms down in the coming months.

  • Hi Amie, 

    Thank you for sharing, I understand it can be a difficult time for your family after receiving the diagnosis. 

    We have a number of resources that your 11 year old girl may find useful:

    We also have a number of resources that you and your husband may find useful:

    Many of our community have had similar experiences and I hope they will respond and can help you in navigating this chapter. 

    Best wishes, 
    Alice Mod