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What, when and how to tell your child that s/he's autistic

ByteBandit

Hello,

We're in a bit of a quandry. We have two daughthers, 2yo and 7yo, both have a diagnosis of HFA. The 2yo is very physical and sees other kids as obstacles to be pushed, shoved, bitten, whatever it takes to get or do what she wants. Following various incidents in play areas we're contemplating getting one of these "I have autism" t-shirts, either from the NAS or elsewhere, along with a box of hand out cards. But, just a bit concerned the 7yo will ask "What is autism?". This falls firmly into the box of other "how do I answer" questions such as "Who is God?". As yet, the 7yo has never asked anything or indicated she has any awareness that she is different or treated differently to any of the other kids, but this is only a matter of time, maybe a long time, but it will come.

This set me wondering. Do we pre-empt her asking and just tell her straight, especially as her younger sister is a bit of a sore thumb so to speak, do we drip feed information as and when she needs it? How do you tell somebody with a communication disorder that they have a communication disorder?

Any insight from parents in a similar situation particularily welcome!

 

Regards,

Mark Leavesley

Parents

  • Hi all,

    My son was diagnosed 3months ago, he is 13 and had been through primary school and 2 years of secondary without any support. He was struggling greatly in school academically and somewhat socially. He asked me to get him assessed for dyslexia as he wanted to know why he was stuggling so much. i went private for an assessment as my gp met my son and told me 'there is nothing wrong with your son' and 'was i tring to push him academically' It took me the best part of a month to get myself together again after that meeting. The school psycologist said he felt he did not have aspergers but wanted to assess him for adhd, but my instincts told me it was aspergers so i went private.

    At the end of the private assessment the therapist whom was lovely asked me did i want to tell him, i asked her to tell him with me in the room so she could answer any questions he might have. She began by talking about the fact he had a very high score on his visual assessment and how great this was and how most people dont have the talent to remember things as well as he does etc, then explained that his audio memory is a bit weaker so the visual side makes up for this, like someone that is blind uses their other senses more. She said the reason for this is that you have aspergers then spoke more about the things that are a part of this e.g his sense of smell, not liking changes etc. Because he loves drama and acting she told him about actors with aspergers like Mr Bean and i think that also helped, that he didnt feel alone.

    I worried about how he would react to being told and i think its down to how it is told. About a month after he was told i commented to him that his mood had been great lately and asked him was it because he was off school, he replied "NO, its because i know now i have aspergers and so will everyone else"

Reply

  • Hi all,

    My son was diagnosed 3months ago, he is 13 and had been through primary school and 2 years of secondary without any support. He was struggling greatly in school academically and somewhat socially. He asked me to get him assessed for dyslexia as he wanted to know why he was stuggling so much. i went private for an assessment as my gp met my son and told me 'there is nothing wrong with your son' and 'was i tring to push him academically' It took me the best part of a month to get myself together again after that meeting. The school psycologist said he felt he did not have aspergers but wanted to assess him for adhd, but my instincts told me it was aspergers so i went private.

    At the end of the private assessment the therapist whom was lovely asked me did i want to tell him, i asked her to tell him with me in the room so she could answer any questions he might have. She began by talking about the fact he had a very high score on his visual assessment and how great this was and how most people dont have the talent to remember things as well as he does etc, then explained that his audio memory is a bit weaker so the visual side makes up for this, like someone that is blind uses their other senses more. She said the reason for this is that you have aspergers then spoke more about the things that are a part of this e.g his sense of smell, not liking changes etc. Because he loves drama and acting she told him about actors with aspergers like Mr Bean and i think that also helped, that he didnt feel alone.

    I worried about how he would react to being told and i think its down to how it is told. About a month after he was told i commented to him that his mood had been great lately and asked him was it because he was off school, he replied "NO, its because i know now i have aspergers and so will everyone else"

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