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What, when and how to tell your child that s/he's autistic

ByteBandit

Hello,

We're in a bit of a quandry. We have two daughthers, 2yo and 7yo, both have a diagnosis of HFA. The 2yo is very physical and sees other kids as obstacles to be pushed, shoved, bitten, whatever it takes to get or do what she wants. Following various incidents in play areas we're contemplating getting one of these "I have autism" t-shirts, either from the NAS or elsewhere, along with a box of hand out cards. But, just a bit concerned the 7yo will ask "What is autism?". This falls firmly into the box of other "how do I answer" questions such as "Who is God?". As yet, the 7yo has never asked anything or indicated she has any awareness that she is different or treated differently to any of the other kids, but this is only a matter of time, maybe a long time, but it will come.

This set me wondering. Do we pre-empt her asking and just tell her straight, especially as her younger sister is a bit of a sore thumb so to speak, do we drip feed information as and when she needs it? How do you tell somebody with a communication disorder that they have a communication disorder?

Any insight from parents in a similar situation particularily welcome!

 

Regards,

Mark Leavesley

Parents

  • My daughter was diagnosed with Aspergers last year aged 11.  She was just about to start Secondary school and we were advised not to tell her straight away as there would be a lot of new things for her to get her head around as it was, without this on top.  However, she had such problems with relationships in her primary schools (we moved her from her first one as the school were completely unsympathetic to our concerns/her behaviour, but that's a different story) and I was concerned she would have problems again and that it would all spiral downwards so we agreed to tell her sooner rather than later.  We decided that it would be best coming from the lady at CAHMS as I was expecting a really negative reaction from my daughter as she had venemously denied that she was having any problems even though it was painfully clear that she was.  Anyway, her response to the diagnosis blew me away.  She was very calm about it and asked very reasonable and sensible questions.  Although I'm not sure her new friends understand what AS is (I'm still trying to get to grips with it), she was at least then able to tell the ones closest to her that she has it, in the hope that it will give her a little leeway if she behaves a little immaturely.  Over all, I think and hope that knowing she has AS will help her understand herself and help others be more tolerant.  So for us at least, I believe that telling her has been a positive move.  And whilst the T-shirts or whatever aren't really necessary for us, I don't think they can be seen as a form of bullying at all if it gives your kid a break and allows them to be themselves.  Sorry for rambling.

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  • My daughter was diagnosed with Aspergers last year aged 11.  She was just about to start Secondary school and we were advised not to tell her straight away as there would be a lot of new things for her to get her head around as it was, without this on top.  However, she had such problems with relationships in her primary schools (we moved her from her first one as the school were completely unsympathetic to our concerns/her behaviour, but that's a different story) and I was concerned she would have problems again and that it would all spiral downwards so we agreed to tell her sooner rather than later.  We decided that it would be best coming from the lady at CAHMS as I was expecting a really negative reaction from my daughter as she had venemously denied that she was having any problems even though it was painfully clear that she was.  Anyway, her response to the diagnosis blew me away.  She was very calm about it and asked very reasonable and sensible questions.  Although I'm not sure her new friends understand what AS is (I'm still trying to get to grips with it), she was at least then able to tell the ones closest to her that she has it, in the hope that it will give her a little leeway if she behaves a little immaturely.  Over all, I think and hope that knowing she has AS will help her understand herself and help others be more tolerant.  So for us at least, I believe that telling her has been a positive move.  And whilst the T-shirts or whatever aren't really necessary for us, I don't think they can be seen as a form of bullying at all if it gives your kid a break and allows them to be themselves.  Sorry for rambling.

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