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What, when and how to tell your child that s/he's autistic

ByteBandit

Hello,

We're in a bit of a quandry. We have two daughthers, 2yo and 7yo, both have a diagnosis of HFA. The 2yo is very physical and sees other kids as obstacles to be pushed, shoved, bitten, whatever it takes to get or do what she wants. Following various incidents in play areas we're contemplating getting one of these "I have autism" t-shirts, either from the NAS or elsewhere, along with a box of hand out cards. But, just a bit concerned the 7yo will ask "What is autism?". This falls firmly into the box of other "how do I answer" questions such as "Who is God?". As yet, the 7yo has never asked anything or indicated she has any awareness that she is different or treated differently to any of the other kids, but this is only a matter of time, maybe a long time, but it will come.

This set me wondering. Do we pre-empt her asking and just tell her straight, especially as her younger sister is a bit of a sore thumb so to speak, do we drip feed information as and when she needs it? How do you tell somebody with a communication disorder that they have a communication disorder?

Any insight from parents in a similar situation particularily welcome!

 

Regards,

Mark Leavesley

Parents

  • The only issue I would like to raise is not your childs reaction.  It is that of the world around them.  I speak from experience.

    The problem is not your sons, it is everyone else alienating him.  This is going to happen anyway due to his lack of social skills, and naked assertion of his own agenda's and urges.

    Telling him will explain that he has a condition that cannot be helped, and that he is differently minded rather than wrong.  Mad, mental, stupid...I had the lot.  It hurts.  I only got diagnosed at 41.

    It varies from individual to individual, social scenario to scenario.  I would recommend a good social core-team.  Specific close friends to play with, a safe area in school with the same, dependable people and generally be careful about other children traumatising him due to his open-autism declaration. 

    In life, somethings cannot be avoided.  We all have to learn to take knocks, even if we cannot understand what is going on around us.  You parents just cannot shield your vulnerable children from the real world forever.  It is cruel, it is awful but that is life.  I am sorry that we all know what will happen in the playground, but you must explain to your child daily why this all is.  That will not entirely help, but at least they will know why. 

    I am sorry I cannot be more helpful.  I just carried on through school getting hurt and accepting it.  In later life, you learn how strong you are that you can recover rather than deal with it at the time.  The Neurotypical world can contain great kindness and beauty as well as cruelty. 

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  • The only issue I would like to raise is not your childs reaction.  It is that of the world around them.  I speak from experience.

    The problem is not your sons, it is everyone else alienating him.  This is going to happen anyway due to his lack of social skills, and naked assertion of his own agenda's and urges.

    Telling him will explain that he has a condition that cannot be helped, and that he is differently minded rather than wrong.  Mad, mental, stupid...I had the lot.  It hurts.  I only got diagnosed at 41.

    It varies from individual to individual, social scenario to scenario.  I would recommend a good social core-team.  Specific close friends to play with, a safe area in school with the same, dependable people and generally be careful about other children traumatising him due to his open-autism declaration. 

    In life, somethings cannot be avoided.  We all have to learn to take knocks, even if we cannot understand what is going on around us.  You parents just cannot shield your vulnerable children from the real world forever.  It is cruel, it is awful but that is life.  I am sorry that we all know what will happen in the playground, but you must explain to your child daily why this all is.  That will not entirely help, but at least they will know why. 

    I am sorry I cannot be more helpful.  I just carried on through school getting hurt and accepting it.  In later life, you learn how strong you are that you can recover rather than deal with it at the time.  The Neurotypical world can contain great kindness and beauty as well as cruelty. 

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