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What, when and how to tell your child that s/he's autistic

ByteBandit

Hello,

We're in a bit of a quandry. We have two daughthers, 2yo and 7yo, both have a diagnosis of HFA. The 2yo is very physical and sees other kids as obstacles to be pushed, shoved, bitten, whatever it takes to get or do what she wants. Following various incidents in play areas we're contemplating getting one of these "I have autism" t-shirts, either from the NAS or elsewhere, along with a box of hand out cards. But, just a bit concerned the 7yo will ask "What is autism?". This falls firmly into the box of other "how do I answer" questions such as "Who is God?". As yet, the 7yo has never asked anything or indicated she has any awareness that she is different or treated differently to any of the other kids, but this is only a matter of time, maybe a long time, but it will come.

This set me wondering. Do we pre-empt her asking and just tell her straight, especially as her younger sister is a bit of a sore thumb so to speak, do we drip feed information as and when she needs it? How do you tell somebody with a communication disorder that they have a communication disorder?

Any insight from parents in a similar situation particularily welcome!

 

Regards,

Mark Leavesley

Parents

  • Obviously everyone is different and every family is different.  But I personally think we have a duty to tell.  I can't remember the exact time I spoke to my son that he had autism but I am always very positive when we discuss his diagnosis, all the qualities he possesses because of his autism.  I think its important for me as a mother to focus on these qualities also.  I see autism as a gift, I know we would change things if we could but I feel we have to stay positive.

    I wish the T shirts were about when my son was small and I read one comment about all toddlers being difficult etc, well I'm sorry I disagree. I have 4 children the youngest, now 17 years has autism he was the most difficult and challenging during those early years, even though I love him dearly of course and he is the light of my life! AS for the cards, I have used them and always carry them and my son carries his in his wallet.  I have used them at the hospital and the hair dressers!  They have been very useful!

    My father passed away 3 years ago now, he had mental health issues and many problems, and I am convinced he had ASC, I wish he could have been told he had autism and that we could have helped him and understood him better, instead he lived his life never knowing.

    I see diagnosis as a sign post and not a label, although didn't come easy in the early days!

    Best Regards for 2011 to one and all!

Reply

  • Obviously everyone is different and every family is different.  But I personally think we have a duty to tell.  I can't remember the exact time I spoke to my son that he had autism but I am always very positive when we discuss his diagnosis, all the qualities he possesses because of his autism.  I think its important for me as a mother to focus on these qualities also.  I see autism as a gift, I know we would change things if we could but I feel we have to stay positive.

    I wish the T shirts were about when my son was small and I read one comment about all toddlers being difficult etc, well I'm sorry I disagree. I have 4 children the youngest, now 17 years has autism he was the most difficult and challenging during those early years, even though I love him dearly of course and he is the light of my life! AS for the cards, I have used them and always carry them and my son carries his in his wallet.  I have used them at the hospital and the hair dressers!  They have been very useful!

    My father passed away 3 years ago now, he had mental health issues and many problems, and I am convinced he had ASC, I wish he could have been told he had autism and that we could have helped him and understood him better, instead he lived his life never knowing.

    I see diagnosis as a sign post and not a label, although didn't come easy in the early days!

    Best Regards for 2011 to one and all!

Children
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