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Is it setting up to fail

N1CK

Autistic dad with Autistic 8 year old son.

We live in an isolated area. I have tried over the years to introduce my son to different social settings. Signing him up to clubs to promote engagement/interaction.

Each club goes the same way. Encouragement to keep trying after each meltdown (over perceived loss of a race or feeling like he can't do something). Him feeling isolated as the other children keep him at arms length because of said meltdowns.

Part of me thinks, percivere to learn resilience. Another part of me thinks is this just setting him up to fail?

We get two months in and he says he doesn't enjoy going. I have to keep telling him it's good for him ( thinking of the long view ) hoping a day will come that he learns he doesn't have to win at everything. Hoping each interaction or at least try, will build some emotional resilience.

We make a deal to try something for 6 months and if he really doesn't enjoy it we will try something else.

I push sporty activities as know if he can find at least one. He will always have this to fall back on when his mood dips or he's struggling. (I know exercise is better than most antidepressants for mental health.)

Am I overthinking it? Should I stop pushing. Is it my own issues of not having anyone to push me thinking it may have benefited me as a kid if I had had someone to do that for me ? Too many questions to answer here I know.

It's difficult to know if what's right now is right for the future. Do we keep trying or is this setting up for further struggles. 

Appreciate there's no easy answer. But welcome the opportunity to talk it out. 

Parents

  • What would you as an 8 year old have liked?

    You might have benefitted from being taken to things as a child, or you might not, it might of just left you with a different set of feelings, like why couldn't they leave me alone? Does your son have a rich inner world? Maybe try and encourage that, with books, and art?

    Why sport? If he's lacking on confidence then being in a competitive environment might lower his confidence rather than raise it. Maybe he's not a competitive person, maybe he needs a different sort of competition, like board games or martial arts?

Reply

  • What would you as an 8 year old have liked?

    You might have benefitted from being taken to things as a child, or you might not, it might of just left you with a different set of feelings, like why couldn't they leave me alone? Does your son have a rich inner world? Maybe try and encourage that, with books, and art?

    Why sport? If he's lacking on confidence then being in a competitive environment might lower his confidence rather than raise it. Maybe he's not a competitive person, maybe he needs a different sort of competition, like board games or martial arts?

Children
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