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School Attendance Issues - Scotland

PDmum

Hi Everyone

I'm new here and I'm looking for some advice. My 15 year old daughter has not attended school since October 2025. She suffers from anxiety which is quite severe but honestly she has struggled to maintain attendance out with this latest absence so this has been something she's struggled with she was in primary school. Her diagnosis was finally received after she had just started high school so its been fairly new. I assumed her anxiety was based on the environment of school but recently, as in last Thursday, she finally opened up to me about what she experiences in school and it broke my heart. She experiences complete isolation. She is very quite but she makes an effort to talk but it never goes beyond that to develop into friendships. Her peers don't interact with her, going as far to remove the chair from next to her to sit with others leaving her on her own of certain classes and she's basically ostracized. I thought she had one friend but it turns out that's not the case and my daughter said she was too embarrassed to tell. She doesn't ever get upset but did cry while telling me all this. I could go into more detail but I'm trying to keep this short (apologies if it is still a bit long) 

To find out this is her experience has made me feel sick. She's already struggling with anxiety and not being accepted by her peers has made her completely shut down to the idea of attending school. Working with pastoral care she was able to attend a few days per week after schools hours to talk/do school work. She made a great bond with that pastoral care teacher but we have recently been told that as of tomorrow she will no longer be part of that department so this has caused more anxiety. 

Coincidently I also received a letter form her school asking me to attend a meeting with the Head teacher mid June. Not the year head the actual head. I feel blindsighted as we had been open and honest with the school, kept communications maintained and managed to make some progress with the after school arrangements. There was never any talk about this being escalated and then this. In the letter is sites that they want to try and "prevent any undesirable legal implications of non -attendance as stared in Section 43 of the Education (Scotland) Act 1980". And I've been sick with anxiety since receiving that. Especially since I know that my daughter wont be back at school by then so this will be even more days added to her non attendance.  Can anyone please give me some advice as to what to expect of what this means. I feel so alone with this. Its just me and my daughter and now I feel like we've lost the one person we could trust (the pastoral care teacher we were working with) and I'm honestly terrified about what this all means. 

  • Hey PDmum.

    That was a tough read as what your daughters going through felt so familiar. School can be so hard, and the other pupils that go can make it harder (I used to wish you could go to school without any other pupils as then it would be simpler). I'm glad she's managed to open up to you, as having someone to talk about it with I think must help. It's hard seeing your kids go through it, my daughter(9) struggles with having any friends and is often on her own at breaktimes, and you feel gutted that is there experience of school. I do worry as High School is even harder and I can understand why your daughters is finding going to school at all so hard. 

    Is she able to do any learning at home if she's 15? Hopefully the Head is reasonable, and I would be brutal and just go in with all this (even havign some points on paper that you can hand to them), so they know what being at school is doing to her, and see if they can set some work to do at home for her instead. Being so downtrodden can have a big impact on them, so having you to fight in her corner will mean so much.

    I would also consider asking about a school counsellor, if you are losing your other contact. Make sure they know that's vital you have a point of contact that you both can trust. I don't know if that or if you can get a course of it through the GP? Services these days are so hard to access or not be on a long waiting list.

    Something else I was thinking of was checking what's available at the local college with part-time courses. Or even seeing if she can sign up to anything online? Just as a possible step if the school doesn't prove helpful (I'm hoping they will and will help you), but if they don't, focus on a step that would actually help her more in the long run and towards any potential job she might want to do when older? Just want to give you some hope that if the school aren't helpful, trying to find another way forward.

    i meeting like that would make me sick, maybe just try and be prepared as best you can about what you want to see them do for your child and get it all in writing (and put yours in writing too!) Good luck!

  • Hi PDMum, welcome to the online community, and thanks so much for reaching out during what sounds like a really stressful and difficult time for you and your daughter.  It's great that she was able to open up and be honest with you about her struggles with isolation at school, and I hope that your meeting with the head teacher is productive.  Perhaps make a note of specific points you'd like to bring up to them to prepare in advance.

    NAS has some guidance pages on school and education here: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/school-education including what extra help may be available for your daughter within school (here is the specific page on Scottish school support: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/education/extra-help-at-school/scotland), as well as some strategies you might like to try with regards to her non-attendance.

    You mention that some other children at school have been unkind in how they treat your daughter, so you may find our information on bullying helpful to look at: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/bullying/bullying/parents

    We also have guidance pages available on making friends (https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/family-life-and-relationships/making-friends/parents-and-carers) and feelings of loneliness (https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/loneliness) which might be helpful to you and your daughter.

    You are not alone in going through this, and our online community is always here to offer support and advice if you want to reach back out.  Best of luck to your and your daughter.  Feel free to post again and let us know how things go after your meeting.