Hi, I am new to this community and possibly AuDHD. We have requested an ASD assessment for our 11 year old son due to his behaviour this past few years. Our son is currently a school refuser and displays a lot of Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) traits. However, before this has escalated he has always struggled with toileting (still an issues, due to the sensation) and sensory issues (feel of clothing etc). It has gotten much worse the past few years, with bad separation anxiety, he still co-sleeps as he does not like to be alone. He struggles with friends and has no filter when talking, just blurts things out, sometimes they are inappropriate. We have tried to gently speak to him about it but he does not seem to understand. Things have gotten worse since 2023 when we lost our eldest daughter to cancer, he has regressed and withdraws and does not like to speak when he feels overwhelmed. At first we thought it was just the grief, but we know it's more than that. His behaviour is tearing our family apart, he will not go to school and insists he is going to be home educated, I am about to lose my job due to having the time off with him.
We really don't know how to support him, he comes across as controlling, with traits of narcissism. He has become violent towards me today as I took his Xbox away due to not going to school. He comes across like he does not care but he does, however he will not go to school or let me go to work. When I am not here he does well with other people and will do as his told, is he masking? School has also said he is fine when in school. I am in desperate need of support but school refuse to do a reduced time table etc... to help ease him back int. My son says that I am his safe person, he does not feel safe or comfortable at school, saying he is overwhelmed. I feel sometimes that he manipulates me as he comes across as sarcastic etc...
Does anyone have any advice? I just don't know how to parent my son right now, I feel like I am failing him and his awful behaviour gives me negative feelings towards him.
Thank you.
