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How do you wake you your teenage girl in the mornings?

EmmaRL

My daughter has not been able to attend school since January; she found the transition to comprehensive school extremely difficult particularly the social side. We are now having a break and reset from school, potentially looking at an alternative way of learning. A major difficulty at the moment is waking her in the mornings (as well as helping her to settle at a reasonable time). We have tried lots of different strategies to helping her settle earlier at night but i think becoming a teenager along with having a very busy brain makes it difficult. This obviously impacts waking in the mornings. I'm trying to encourage a daily routine of waking and sleeping times but have a battle in the morning when waking her before she feels ready to leave her bed. If I let her come round when she is ready with repeated gentle reminders of the time she will eventually wake and is calm (around 10.30am). If I push her with any demands like, its time to get up, and persist with the request, she becomes dysregulated which can then turn into a long meltdown which she finds difficulty calming from. We are trying to keep demands low as I believe she is in a process of recovering from the trauma of starting comprehensive school (and masking for many years). Any advice would be much appreciated? What are your morning routines?

Parents

  • I don’t have the answer but your daughter is definitely not alone. I struggled to get up for school all of my school years- I was late almost every day and was chronically exhausted. Thinking back I have no clue how I managed to learn anything at all. I find it quite difficult to fall asleep earlier in the evening even if I have to get up super early. There was a period in my Mphil where I had to get up at 4:30 am for an over 6 month period to get to the lab early and I still never managed to fall asleep before midnight which was a disaster. At the moment I am really struggling with sleep (taking hours to fall asleep, awake 4-6 times a night if not more, sometimes not falling asleep at all until 6/7 am) and it’s hard to know how to manage it as if I get up early afterall I am useless all day but if I sleep in I feel guilty and loose a lot of hours though luckily I have some flexibility in what time of day I work. I  have had phases though where I have been in a better rhythm. One factor that is often ignored when thinking about sleep and when we wake up is diet. For me this is particularly noticeable as I have digestive issues which sometimes keep me up or keep me from eating properly which also affects sleep. Undereating for example can affect sleep. Timing of meals can affect sleep. I find that having some starchy carbohydrates with the evening meal can sometimes help. I think those times when I was in a good routine and able to go to sleep as a reasonable time coincided with times when I had a consistent routine with food. In the past reading in bed or listening to audiobooks also helped me fall asleep.  I also can find it much harder to sleep when I am very sleep deprived and burntout- I’m not sure why but I suspect when pushing through, I enter an adrenaline fuelled state and it takes time to unwind and it’s like I need to learn to sleep and relax again and I can sleep much better when I am less sleep deprived. It can take a long time to recover from chronic overwhelm and exhaustion so I think it might also be very normal that at the moment it is particularly difficult for your daughter to get up earlier. Maybe she just really needs that extra rest to recover- I have found that when I am overexhausted and can take time to recover, over time, I do slowly tend to be able to wake up slightly earlier. I don’t know- but could you maybe leave her be for a while and see how it evolves (whilst making sure she does go to bed at a somewhat reasonable time)? Or if you do try to get her up earlier maybe try to do it slowly- if 10:30 feels comfortable, try 10:20 - do that for a few days then try 10:10 etc. Just an idea. I hope you find a way forward. I think it’s very positive that she has been able to take some time away from school - I personally spent years just pushing through and through and I don’t think that was a good idea (I am not in my end twenties, have massive health issues and may need to quit my PhD eventhough that has been something I wanted to do for years)- It’s better to find a way to make things work sustainably sooner and it is also easier and faster to recover if you intervene sooner

Reply

  • I don’t have the answer but your daughter is definitely not alone. I struggled to get up for school all of my school years- I was late almost every day and was chronically exhausted. Thinking back I have no clue how I managed to learn anything at all. I find it quite difficult to fall asleep earlier in the evening even if I have to get up super early. There was a period in my Mphil where I had to get up at 4:30 am for an over 6 month period to get to the lab early and I still never managed to fall asleep before midnight which was a disaster. At the moment I am really struggling with sleep (taking hours to fall asleep, awake 4-6 times a night if not more, sometimes not falling asleep at all until 6/7 am) and it’s hard to know how to manage it as if I get up early afterall I am useless all day but if I sleep in I feel guilty and loose a lot of hours though luckily I have some flexibility in what time of day I work. I  have had phases though where I have been in a better rhythm. One factor that is often ignored when thinking about sleep and when we wake up is diet. For me this is particularly noticeable as I have digestive issues which sometimes keep me up or keep me from eating properly which also affects sleep. Undereating for example can affect sleep. Timing of meals can affect sleep. I find that having some starchy carbohydrates with the evening meal can sometimes help. I think those times when I was in a good routine and able to go to sleep as a reasonable time coincided with times when I had a consistent routine with food. In the past reading in bed or listening to audiobooks also helped me fall asleep.  I also can find it much harder to sleep when I am very sleep deprived and burntout- I’m not sure why but I suspect when pushing through, I enter an adrenaline fuelled state and it takes time to unwind and it’s like I need to learn to sleep and relax again and I can sleep much better when I am less sleep deprived. It can take a long time to recover from chronic overwhelm and exhaustion so I think it might also be very normal that at the moment it is particularly difficult for your daughter to get up earlier. Maybe she just really needs that extra rest to recover- I have found that when I am overexhausted and can take time to recover, over time, I do slowly tend to be able to wake up slightly earlier. I don’t know- but could you maybe leave her be for a while and see how it evolves (whilst making sure she does go to bed at a somewhat reasonable time)? Or if you do try to get her up earlier maybe try to do it slowly- if 10:30 feels comfortable, try 10:20 - do that for a few days then try 10:10 etc. Just an idea. I hope you find a way forward. I think it’s very positive that she has been able to take some time away from school - I personally spent years just pushing through and through and I don’t think that was a good idea (I am not in my end twenties, have massive health issues and may need to quit my PhD eventhough that has been something I wanted to do for years)- It’s better to find a way to make things work sustainably sooner and it is also easier and faster to recover if you intervene sooner

Children
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