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Help/advise needed

Kathryn89

I am in real need of some guidance/advice. My 7 year old son (almost 8) is struggling.

He has a sleep disorder and is extremely emotional. If I go back to 2024 it was documented in his hospital notes when he was diagnosed with a sleep disorder, concerns around his behaviour, at the time we thought ADHD. This was raised with the GP at the time but felt he was too young. I raised this with school when he was in reception and was just told he was emotionally intelligent. His behaviour continued and once again this was raised in year 1 to be told the same thing. He lost his grandad who he was very close to Christmas day 2024 and was offered no support from school as he was too young for counselling services. Fast forward to June 2025, school was constantly on the phone concerned over his emotional welfare and his obsessive behaviour and advised me to see the GP. This is did, after a conversation with them, they advised my son was showing signs of ASD and/or ADHD and to go back to the school and request a neurological pathway referral. They refused! In November 2025 the school nurse got involved and also recommended the neurological assessment from her own observations with him. This again was refused by the school, however the school nurse also made a referral for CAMHS. CAMHS have since reviewed the referral and had a conversation with me and said my son is showing behaviours of ASD/ADHD and they recommended a neurological pathway referral and discharged him from the service. All this was taken to the school again and they are still refusing.

My sons emotional state is escalating to the point he wanted ro die last night as he just can't take being this way anymore. I informed the school nurse, who advised taking him to A&E if I felt he was a danger to him self. I am an NHS working and have a strong background in mental health. I told her I didn't think it was necessary at the time as I felt I could keep him safe. 

Then on picking him up from school today, I asked husband class teacher how his day had been and informed her over his melt down the previous day. She agreed that his emotional state is escalating. I told her I was confused over his early help plan and the un willingness to do the referral when medical professionals are advising this is the best course of action. The SENCO lead then phoned me and her words where "i believe ymyour upset over the early help" my response was no, just confused. They have put everything down as issues at home and said no issues at school, however his first early help clearly states his emotions, obsessiveness, anxiety, struggles to concentrate and engage in group tasks ect. I informed her of the conversation I had with the teacher just 30 mins prior for her to start talking loudly over me, telling me I need to take him to A&E straight away for a mental health evaluation. I had to keep telling her to let me speak/finish what I was saying but she continued to speak over me. 

I finally lost it and told her I will no longer continue the call a d the headteacher needs to contact me. Once again talked over me to the point I put the phone down!

I have since emailed the headteacher and informed her he will not be coming to school until I have had an urgent meeting with her, without the senco teacher.

The SENCO teacher is blaming all his behaviour on the passing of his grandad, however the issues started before then and have gradually become worse!

Where do I go from here, I have considered private assessments but they still need input from the school and I dont feel like they will give a true picture of what he is going through. Can anyone please help/advise.

Thank you if you got this far reading, from a very stressed out broken mum! 

Parents

  • I’m so sorry - what a stressful situation - it’s shocking that the school are refusing to make this referral. When my children were young you could get a referral for an assessment from your GP as well as via the school and education psychology. I have heard of cases now where the school just refuse. Why on earth would they refuse after all?! They have a distressed child who needs help - they should be doing everything they possibly can - not refusing. 
    I would say that it’s a good idea to write to people rather than phoning - as it’s helpful to have a record of what is happening. I would write to the headmaster expressing your concerns. If it’s an email copy in your local MP or relevant person at the LA who is responsible for Special Needs. Write to them giving a detailed explanation of the difficulties your child is experiencing - and why you think the referral is necessary . It might be a good idea to mention the specific ‘symptoms’ that your son has that relate closely to signs of Autism - and say that you believe it’s possible that your son is autistic. Then request that they reply to you IN WRITING explaining exactly why they are refusing to refer your son. 
    I find that when people are doing something that is not ‘right’ they are very reluctant to put it in writing - because they know it might ‘come back to them’ down the line. Always get things in an email. Sadly in the world of education and Special Needs it’s important to keep detailed records and have evidence of everything - it definitely helps when trying to get people to actually do their jobs properly. Sad but true. 
    The system is wrong - because schools should be schools - not healthcare - it’s ridiculous that the only was to get a child diagnosed with autism is to go through the school. Autism in not a ‘school problem’ - it’s a 24hr 365 days a year neurological condition that lasts into adulthood - it’s not something that just manifests in school! We don’t get schools to handle the diagnosis of asthma or arthritis - why on earth are they expected to be a judge the presence  of a neurological condition? And to be the sole source of referrals for it?! It’s crazy. I’m so sorry that you and your child are having the suffer because of this ridiculous situation. 
    Email them - provide your evidence, and directly ask them for a written explanation of why they are refusing to refer your son. Then you’ll have something to work on - and in addition you’ll have more information about why they hold that position. It might be that they will just refer him right away - because they’ll realise that you’re not going to be just fobbed off, that you mean business, and that you’re organised. My instinct is that if you do this - they will refer him. Good luck!

Reply

  • I’m so sorry - what a stressful situation - it’s shocking that the school are refusing to make this referral. When my children were young you could get a referral for an assessment from your GP as well as via the school and education psychology. I have heard of cases now where the school just refuse. Why on earth would they refuse after all?! They have a distressed child who needs help - they should be doing everything they possibly can - not refusing. 
    I would say that it’s a good idea to write to people rather than phoning - as it’s helpful to have a record of what is happening. I would write to the headmaster expressing your concerns. If it’s an email copy in your local MP or relevant person at the LA who is responsible for Special Needs. Write to them giving a detailed explanation of the difficulties your child is experiencing - and why you think the referral is necessary . It might be a good idea to mention the specific ‘symptoms’ that your son has that relate closely to signs of Autism - and say that you believe it’s possible that your son is autistic. Then request that they reply to you IN WRITING explaining exactly why they are refusing to refer your son. 
    I find that when people are doing something that is not ‘right’ they are very reluctant to put it in writing - because they know it might ‘come back to them’ down the line. Always get things in an email. Sadly in the world of education and Special Needs it’s important to keep detailed records and have evidence of everything - it definitely helps when trying to get people to actually do their jobs properly. Sad but true. 
    The system is wrong - because schools should be schools - not healthcare - it’s ridiculous that the only was to get a child diagnosed with autism is to go through the school. Autism in not a ‘school problem’ - it’s a 24hr 365 days a year neurological condition that lasts into adulthood - it’s not something that just manifests in school! We don’t get schools to handle the diagnosis of asthma or arthritis - why on earth are they expected to be a judge the presence  of a neurological condition? And to be the sole source of referrals for it?! It’s crazy. I’m so sorry that you and your child are having the suffer because of this ridiculous situation. 
    Email them - provide your evidence, and directly ask them for a written explanation of why they are refusing to refer your son. Then you’ll have something to work on - and in addition you’ll have more information about why they hold that position. It might be that they will just refer him right away - because they’ll realise that you’re not going to be just fobbed off, that you mean business, and that you’re organised. My instinct is that if you do this - they will refer him. Good luck!

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