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Help/advise needed

Kathryn89

I am in real need of some guidance/advice. My 7 year old son (almost 8) is struggling.

He has a sleep disorder and is extremely emotional. If I go back to 2024 it was documented in his hospital notes when he was diagnosed with a sleep disorder, concerns around his behaviour, at the time we thought ADHD. This was raised with the GP at the time but felt he was too young. I raised this with school when he was in reception and was just told he was emotionally intelligent. His behaviour continued and once again this was raised in year 1 to be told the same thing. He lost his grandad who he was very close to Christmas day 2024 and was offered no support from school as he was too young for counselling services. Fast forward to June 2025, school was constantly on the phone concerned over his emotional welfare and his obsessive behaviour and advised me to see the GP. This is did, after a conversation with them, they advised my son was showing signs of ASD and/or ADHD and to go back to the school and request a neurological pathway referral. They refused! In November 2025 the school nurse got involved and also recommended the neurological assessment from her own observations with him. This again was refused by the school, however the school nurse also made a referral for CAMHS. CAMHS have since reviewed the referral and had a conversation with me and said my son is showing behaviours of ASD/ADHD and they recommended a neurological pathway referral and discharged him from the service. All this was taken to the school again and they are still refusing.

My sons emotional state is escalating to the point he wanted ro die last night as he just can't take being this way anymore. I informed the school nurse, who advised taking him to A&E if I felt he was a danger to him self. I am an NHS working and have a strong background in mental health. I told her I didn't think it was necessary at the time as I felt I could keep him safe. 

Then on picking him up from school today, I asked husband class teacher how his day had been and informed her over his melt down the previous day. She agreed that his emotional state is escalating. I told her I was confused over his early help plan and the un willingness to do the referral when medical professionals are advising this is the best course of action. The SENCO lead then phoned me and her words where "i believe ymyour upset over the early help" my response was no, just confused. They have put everything down as issues at home and said no issues at school, however his first early help clearly states his emotions, obsessiveness, anxiety, struggles to concentrate and engage in group tasks ect. I informed her of the conversation I had with the teacher just 30 mins prior for her to start talking loudly over me, telling me I need to take him to A&E straight away for a mental health evaluation. I had to keep telling her to let me speak/finish what I was saying but she continued to speak over me. 

I finally lost it and told her I will no longer continue the call a d the headteacher needs to contact me. Once again talked over me to the point I put the phone down!

I have since emailed the headteacher and informed her he will not be coming to school until I have had an urgent meeting with her, without the senco teacher.

The SENCO teacher is blaming all his behaviour on the passing of his grandad, however the issues started before then and have gradually become worse!

Where do I go from here, I have considered private assessments but they still need input from the school and I dont feel like they will give a true picture of what he is going through. Can anyone please help/advise.

Thank you if you got this far reading, from a very stressed out broken mum! 

Parents

  • Hey Kathyrn89, it really sounds awful what your family is going through.

    In all honesty, is it possible to change schools? I don't understand why some schools seem to refuse help to kids that need it. Some people are stuck in their ways and seem to look more to blame the parent then help the child. I also don't understand why CAMHS discharged without the pathway in place? My son's pathway went through CAMHS in my area, shouldn't they be the one's doing it? It sounds like the system is really broken. And yes, it's rubbish you need the school to help or you can't get a diagnosis. Does the school have a school pyschologist you can request to see, the school nurse might know? Maybe find out if it is just you need someone to fill out a questionairre? I'm sorry I dont' fully know the english system (scotland here). I would also maybe try get everything in writing so you have a paper trail.

    Other than that, could you go to the the GP and ask to be referred to councilling? He sounds like he could do with some sort of therapy? I don't know if you can afford any session privately, just to get him some help while you sort out the mess with the pathway? I would look for someone specialised in neurodivergent kids as they would be able to deal with that possibility. You need the school for a diagnosis, but you don't need them to get him some to help him in the mean time.

    School is a very confusing place, finding a way to talk about it with him is an idea too -things like drawing together and talking about the pictures, or toy play -where they toys have the problems, and it lets him talk about what the toys are doing/feeling, it might be easier for him as it's not direct, which can be tricky for some kids. I've also done post-it note conversations, and even questions with tick-boxes, if it helps to find out what's bothering them.

    My daughter was struggling so much with school, she asked what the point of life was, she was 8 at the time. I tried the GP for a referal, as I feel she has ASD like me and her brother, as she has always struggled socially. CAMHS refused saying it wasn't troubling her enough? It's like they won't help until children start harming, which is not the point parents are trying to get their kids help.

    But I think it's also easier to get through to kids at a young age. I told my daughter that I believe her that she does struggle. It made her feel a lot better, and more able to discuss the things that make her unhappy at school. She improved a lot from just feeling heard, and knowing she can talk to me about thinsg that upset her. I could tell her she is like her mother, but you can also find role-models in media, even in cartoons and books, characters with traits and struggle that he can relate to.

    I think it is often the cruel irony that school can make children unhappy, yet the school don't see it. In my case, the teachers are helpful, and are willing to try things to help even without a diagnosis. Sometimes doing your own research and finding things to help your child is all you can do when you are waiting for the proper systems to actually work.

    Best wishes.

Reply

  • Hey Kathyrn89, it really sounds awful what your family is going through.

    In all honesty, is it possible to change schools? I don't understand why some schools seem to refuse help to kids that need it. Some people are stuck in their ways and seem to look more to blame the parent then help the child. I also don't understand why CAMHS discharged without the pathway in place? My son's pathway went through CAMHS in my area, shouldn't they be the one's doing it? It sounds like the system is really broken. And yes, it's rubbish you need the school to help or you can't get a diagnosis. Does the school have a school pyschologist you can request to see, the school nurse might know? Maybe find out if it is just you need someone to fill out a questionairre? I'm sorry I dont' fully know the english system (scotland here). I would also maybe try get everything in writing so you have a paper trail.

    Other than that, could you go to the the GP and ask to be referred to councilling? He sounds like he could do with some sort of therapy? I don't know if you can afford any session privately, just to get him some help while you sort out the mess with the pathway? I would look for someone specialised in neurodivergent kids as they would be able to deal with that possibility. You need the school for a diagnosis, but you don't need them to get him some to help him in the mean time.

    School is a very confusing place, finding a way to talk about it with him is an idea too -things like drawing together and talking about the pictures, or toy play -where they toys have the problems, and it lets him talk about what the toys are doing/feeling, it might be easier for him as it's not direct, which can be tricky for some kids. I've also done post-it note conversations, and even questions with tick-boxes, if it helps to find out what's bothering them.

    My daughter was struggling so much with school, she asked what the point of life was, she was 8 at the time. I tried the GP for a referal, as I feel she has ASD like me and her brother, as she has always struggled socially. CAMHS refused saying it wasn't troubling her enough? It's like they won't help until children start harming, which is not the point parents are trying to get their kids help.

    But I think it's also easier to get through to kids at a young age. I told my daughter that I believe her that she does struggle. It made her feel a lot better, and more able to discuss the things that make her unhappy at school. She improved a lot from just feeling heard, and knowing she can talk to me about thinsg that upset her. I could tell her she is like her mother, but you can also find role-models in media, even in cartoons and books, characters with traits and struggle that he can relate to.

    I think it is often the cruel irony that school can make children unhappy, yet the school don't see it. In my case, the teachers are helpful, and are willing to try things to help even without a diagnosis. Sometimes doing your own research and finding things to help your child is all you can do when you are waiting for the proper systems to actually work.

    Best wishes.

Children
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