• Replies 7 replies
  • Subscribers 66 subscribers
  • Views 118 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Son struggling with autism diagnosis

K17

Hello. My 11 year old son has recently had an autism diagnosis. It distressed him greatly to the point where I can't have a discussion with him to reassure him as he gets too distressed to engage. When I bring up the topic he says he wants to die. At the moment it seems like there is no positive in a diagnosis. He is otherwise quite content in life, it is only this that causes distress. School haven't really been much help and I worry for his transition to secondary school in September. That his autism, while not causing issues for him now, may in the future. I think part of his distress seems to come from negative thoughts about autism from his peers and a general lack of understanding. Also that those in school with a diagnosis are viewed as disruptive or weird (I know this is wrong I just think that is the perception). My son is very quiet (aside from with close friends or family), conforms, does well at school. I don't think he wants to stand out or be seen as different. Does anyone have any advice for how to talk to him and reassure him? I want him to be comfortable in himself but also understand himself to help with any difficulties he may face in the future. At the moment I feel like by getting him assessed and the diagnosis I've just upset a happy child. It is not helping him, just causing harm. He is not a difficult child to parent (though we have adapted to avoid things he struggles with) so I feel a fraud when I see so many parents struggling. I don't feel I know anyone with a child like my son I can relate to or who understands. Sorry if this doesn't make sense, I just want my son to be happy and understand himself. I feel really alone. There is no support offered after diagnosis. School have yet to even meet me to discuss the report even though it came over a month ago and even though I told them it was causing my son to want to die.

Parents

  • Hi K17,

    My son is also 11 and was diagnosed with autism last December. He's a bright boy, but he has had problems in school with being slow at doing work, even though what he does is to very high standards. When I've been talking to him about it, I've been framing it that we were just trying to understand him fully to make his life easier, and to help him with areas he does find difficult. It must be harder if he's doing fine in school, is there any other areas that have caused him trouble, and show him how understanding has helped, even at home? Also you can make sure he knows he doesn't have to disclose to anyone if he doesn't want to, especially friends. 

    One of the other things we've been doing is giving him kids books to read with autistic characters, like 'A Kind of Spark' and it's sequel. Also, although he's 11, we've been watching the adult comedy show Dinosaur together. The main character is autistic, and the actor is on real life. I would strongly suggest you watch it first though so you can decide for yourself, and to cover questions! As my son will be going to high school after the summer and will hear bad language and older stuff, we've been okay with it as we world prefer to control the exposure and be there to explain things rather than hearing them at high school. (Plus a lot of the more adult jokes goes over his head).

    I should also disclose that while researching it, I realised I myself was autistic, and it was why I didn't see it for so long in him. I got diagnosed too privately so I could show him that it was okay. The main point being, pointing out adults and especially famous people with autism and showing that it's not terrible. We watched celebrity traitors and Cat Burns mentions her being AuDHD (so you don't need to bring it up, but it happens while watching the show if he doesn't like you talking about it). 

    Most importantly, if you are concerned about him taking it bad, it might be worth talking to a GP about potential depression, in case you can get him some therapy if you can't for autism support (I know it's rubbish, they should offer kids support to understand it).

    Best of luck.

Reply

  • Hi K17,

    My son is also 11 and was diagnosed with autism last December. He's a bright boy, but he has had problems in school with being slow at doing work, even though what he does is to very high standards. When I've been talking to him about it, I've been framing it that we were just trying to understand him fully to make his life easier, and to help him with areas he does find difficult. It must be harder if he's doing fine in school, is there any other areas that have caused him trouble, and show him how understanding has helped, even at home? Also you can make sure he knows he doesn't have to disclose to anyone if he doesn't want to, especially friends. 

    One of the other things we've been doing is giving him kids books to read with autistic characters, like 'A Kind of Spark' and it's sequel. Also, although he's 11, we've been watching the adult comedy show Dinosaur together. The main character is autistic, and the actor is on real life. I would strongly suggest you watch it first though so you can decide for yourself, and to cover questions! As my son will be going to high school after the summer and will hear bad language and older stuff, we've been okay with it as we world prefer to control the exposure and be there to explain things rather than hearing them at high school. (Plus a lot of the more adult jokes goes over his head).

    I should also disclose that while researching it, I realised I myself was autistic, and it was why I didn't see it for so long in him. I got diagnosed too privately so I could show him that it was okay. The main point being, pointing out adults and especially famous people with autism and showing that it's not terrible. We watched celebrity traitors and Cat Burns mentions her being AuDHD (so you don't need to bring it up, but it happens while watching the show if he doesn't like you talking about it). 

    Most importantly, if you are concerned about him taking it bad, it might be worth talking to a GP about potential depression, in case you can get him some therapy if you can't for autism support (I know it's rubbish, they should offer kids support to understand it).

    Best of luck.

Children
No Data