Son struggling with autism diagnosis

Hello. My 11 year old son has recently had an autism diagnosis. It distressed him greatly to the point where I can't have a discussion with him to reassure him as he gets too distressed to engage. When I bring up the topic he says he wants to die. At the moment it seems like there is no positive in a diagnosis. He is otherwise quite content in life, it is only this that causes distress. School haven't really been much help and I worry for his transition to secondary school in September. That his autism, while not causing issues for him now, may in the future. I think part of his distress seems to come from negative thoughts about autism from his peers and a general lack of understanding. Also that those in school with a diagnosis are viewed as disruptive or weird (I know this is wrong I just think that is the perception). My son is very quiet (aside from with close friends or family), conforms, does well at school. I don't think he wants to stand out or be seen as different. Does anyone have any advice for how to talk to him and reassure him? I want him to be comfortable in himself but also understand himself to help with any difficulties he may face in the future. At the moment I feel like by getting him assessed and the diagnosis I've just upset a happy child. It is not helping him, just causing harm. He is not a difficult child to parent (though we have adapted to avoid things he struggles with) so I feel a fraud when I see so many parents struggling. I don't feel I know anyone with a child like my son I can relate to or who understands. Sorry if this doesn't make sense, I just want my son to be happy and understand himself. I feel really alone. There is no support offered after diagnosis. School have yet to even meet me to discuss the report even though it came over a month ago and even though I told them it was causing my son to want to die.

Parents
  • I'm sorry to hear about your son feelings, I hope he get can past these and see there is a bright side of knowing he has autism

    I was diagnosed as an adult so I can't really give advice about school etc but I can share some things that could be useful: 

    1. Tell him it doesn't change who he is, it just helps people understand why he does things that others don't

    2. I'm not sure which would be helpful but I think there's books for young people in understanding autism and help for them understanding who they are with it

    3. Maybe make a list of the sensory experience resource: I used it and found it helpful, then maybe share with the school when you get the meeting so they understand what adjustments they can do to help limit sensory overload

    https://nas.chorus.thirdlight.com/file/24/xT2FqU_xTq.MH1LxTXUAxTdQY3l/Autistic-Sensory-Experiences-resource.pdf

    4. Finally I can suggest to keep being supportive, at I can see you are, it's important your son knows he's not alone - maybe there's a autistic group he could join to meet like minded people? I think the below child help finding places etc

    https://www.autism.org.uk/autism-services-directory

    I wish you well and hope it all gets better

Reply
  • I'm sorry to hear about your son feelings, I hope he get can past these and see there is a bright side of knowing he has autism

    I was diagnosed as an adult so I can't really give advice about school etc but I can share some things that could be useful: 

    1. Tell him it doesn't change who he is, it just helps people understand why he does things that others don't

    2. I'm not sure which would be helpful but I think there's books for young people in understanding autism and help for them understanding who they are with it

    3. Maybe make a list of the sensory experience resource: I used it and found it helpful, then maybe share with the school when you get the meeting so they understand what adjustments they can do to help limit sensory overload

    https://nas.chorus.thirdlight.com/file/24/xT2FqU_xTq.MH1LxTXUAxTdQY3l/Autistic-Sensory-Experiences-resource.pdf

    4. Finally I can suggest to keep being supportive, at I can see you are, it's important your son knows he's not alone - maybe there's a autistic group he could join to meet like minded people? I think the below child help finding places etc

    https://www.autism.org.uk/autism-services-directory

    I wish you well and hope it all gets better

Children
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