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6-years old with PDA

KimPossible64

Our family despair that our 6-year old will ever be accepted in school, as her violent outbursts are difficult for all concerned. She is autistic with PDA. Is there any kind of therapy that would help her to manage her emotions?

  • in reply to lostmyway

    Reminder of Rule 6 - No medical or legal advice

  • I can feel how heavy this is. Six years old, PDA on top of autism, violent outbursts - it's heartbreaking for everyone. School feels impossible right now, but you're not alone, and there is help. PDA isn't "bad behaviour" - it's extreme anxiety wired into demand avoidance, so traditional "sit down and calm" stuff backfires. The key? Low-demand, collaborative approaches that give her control and safety first.

    From what parents and experts say [removed by mod] direct therapy like CBT often ramps up avoidance - better to build flexibility through motivation and indirect ways.

    • Low-demand parenting - Drop "musts" (no forced eye contact, no "do this now"). Use play, her interests (sharks? dinosaurs?) to sneak in skills. [removed by mod] no demands, safe home base, [edited by mod]. Kid now wakes smiling, helps siblings.  burnout at 4th grade, then 3 years home-schooling with full choice - back to school at 8th grade, social, happy.    
    • Motivation-based scaffolding - Frame tasks as choices: "Want to build a tower with blocks, or read about sharks?" Builds emotional regulation without fight. Programs [removed by mod] that teach flexibility (Plan B thinking) via games - adapt for 6-year-olds with pictures. 
    • Sensory calm zones - Create a no-demand space: soft lights, weighted blanket, fidgets. When she ramps up, redirect there - no talking, just breathe.

      • Play therapy or OT - Occupational therapy focuses on sensory regulation (deep pressure, swings) to lower baseline anxiety. Avoid ABA-style rewards - they spike PDA.

      Start small: Talk to her pediatrician or autism team for PDA-aware OT/psychologist. In UK/US, push for "collaborative" approaches—many schools adapt with visual schedules (child-led):

      She's young - early shifts make big differences. You're not failing; you're fighting for her. Want help finding local PDA resources or wording for school?

  • Good morning from America, KimPossible64!

    Don’t give up! My daughter has also struggled (she’s 8, and her biggest struggle was around 6 so far imo) with outbursts, but she is now growing to a point where she is basically 80% in a general classroom as of now. I ultimately don’t think she is PDA, but we have questioned that about her, so she at least has some traits.

    One thing that helped us was art therapy. Art and music therapy help teach emotional regulation through play, which I think works pretty well for Autistics.