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Bullying?

NAS78463

Hi there, My 9 year old daughter is diagnosed ASD and likely ADHD. She is in year 4 and has been struggling to attend school for quite some time due to friendship issues. She had a best friend who started to ignore her and play with other people, this was very sudden for my daughter and she felt confused and upset but over time managed to make other friends. This girl then became best friends with another girl and now they are very inconsistent with Eva, some days they talk to her, other days they don't. They run around shouting about how they are best friends in front of Eva and laughing and joking where she is playing. The school won't do anything as they say they are not doing anything wrong, to me this classes as relational bullying. My daughter is understandably not wanting to go to school as she feels excluded and 'invisible' as she put it. Please can anyone advise what I should be expecting the school to do? I've had so many chats with the school, I'm not sure what else to do. I hate seeing my daughter so sad. Thanks

Parents

  • I am afraid that most girls go through this sort of 'friendship merry-go-round', it seems to be a fundamental facet of young female psychology. There is usually an 'in group' and 'the excluded', and individuals pass in and out of both, often dependant on group dynamics, but sometimes on the whim of a particularly socially adept and 'popular' girl. With being, generally, less socially competent and confident - along with difficulties with non-verbal communication - this can be particularly hard on autistic and ADHD children. I do not think that you have much of a case in labelling, 'not being friends' or even 'pointedly not being friends' as bullying, speaking frankly.

    My elder child - with ADHD - coped by befriending boys - boys tend not to do this sort of exclusion and social manipulation dance. My younger, autistic, daughter just 'toughed it out', recognising that things would shift around in her group of 'sometime friends' and that some of the time she would be 'in', some of the time 'out'.

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  • I am afraid that most girls go through this sort of 'friendship merry-go-round', it seems to be a fundamental facet of young female psychology. There is usually an 'in group' and 'the excluded', and individuals pass in and out of both, often dependant on group dynamics, but sometimes on the whim of a particularly socially adept and 'popular' girl. With being, generally, less socially competent and confident - along with difficulties with non-verbal communication - this can be particularly hard on autistic and ADHD children. I do not think that you have much of a case in labelling, 'not being friends' or even 'pointedly not being friends' as bullying, speaking frankly.

    My elder child - with ADHD - coped by befriending boys - boys tend not to do this sort of exclusion and social manipulation dance. My younger, autistic, daughter just 'toughed it out', recognising that things would shift around in her group of 'sometime friends' and that some of the time she would be 'in', some of the time 'out'.

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