Published on 12, July, 2020
I am curious if other parents with kids on the spectrum have as much difficulty as I do 'making' their children do chores? I have put 'making' in quotes because to be honest, their is no 'making' .. there is only the getting them to agree that it would helpful for them to be helpful at this particular time and place ...
And I guess I just more or less answered my own question because it seems to me, their is no 'making' because attempts to reason, or yell at them (my frustration) don't work - they tend to meltdown if I do that. They will be very helpful if they are in the mood to be helpful which doesn't actually happen all that often for my son (almost 16) (once a month and when he does he is outstanding but he has all kinds of other issues like he can only be around other people for about 3-4 hours before he shuts down).
This leaves my poor oldest daughter (age 17) as the main 'slave' because at the moment she is the only one who will do anything ... she doesn't like it though and if I ask too much she will also melt. And timescales ... unless I give a good reason that she agrees with that it needs to be done 'NOW', she will put it off and go back into her own little world and forget even if I remind her 3 or 4 times a day for 3 days (3 days is about the average length of time it takes for her to do something if it isn't urgent).
NT daughter (age 12) with sensory issues generally times a temper tantrum or angst the moment she is asked to do anything and thus wiggles out of it ...
This is a bit of a rant. I know I must not be the only one. During school term time, I don't even begin to ask as everyone is so stressed and overloaded from school
I hate housework myself. If I had known it would be my main job (besides working full-time and running the house including all the finances and making sure people ate properly ...). ARRRRRRGGGG ....
Too much. And the worst thing is ... they aren't getting the skills they will need in the future when I'm gone ...
Anyone else?
Dor
A little mediation there methinks is needed.
There is certainly a teenage factor - most teenagers are hard to persuade to do things, autistic spectrum on top does make it harder.
Autism manifests as complex behaviours and there isn't enough information around as to why.
Socialising is difficult if you are not receiving (or providing) the right input. So you have to work at it harder. Also where there is background noise and lots of people talking it becomes harder to process and concentrate. I'm at the mild end and I'd hardly last three or four hours, I'm usually in trouble within an hour.
Meltdowns are a response to sensory overload, both the amount of information coming in and the ability to process it, which is much less than non-autistic spectrum. Added to which any cumulative stresses and anxieties over a longer timescale will add to it. Try not to think of it as a temper tantrum though - something to be corrected - it is likely there really is stress to limits.
Skills for the future - yes very important. But some skills will be hard to adjust because they are part of the autistic spectrum, not options.
Some parents on here may be able to offer tried and tested solutions based on agreements in order to get some chores done.