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Getting a child to engage with help for repetitive behaviours

Raitch

Hi all - I’m new here and hoping for some ideas. Our daughter is nearly 13 and was diagnosed in August. For nearly a year now she’s been developing ritualistic behaviours like tapping in 3s and switching devices on and off over again. Lately we can barely get in a room behind her because she’s tapping the door handle for ages on both sides.

CAMHS mental health finally got back to us with an appointment for her but we don’t know how to broach it with her, because it feels like the rituals are a lifeline to her. How can we bring up this appointment when she’s so nervous about talking to professionals and doesn’t seem to see this as an issue? She’s very shouty at the moment when she feels defensive.

All ideas gratefully received - thank you!

Parents

  • Hi  and welcome,
    Did anyone discuss OCD too? I don't know much about it myself, but during researching autism I read about overlaps and it might perhaps be useful to look into it. 

    When I was discussing going for appointments with CAMHS with my son, we tried to frame it that we want to see what we can do to help with things he finds tricky so he can feel good about himself.

    You've probably tried this, but making sure she knows it's not about fixing her -she might feel defensive about it, as sometimes if a person feels they can't do their rituals something really bad will happen, but more getting some understanding so people don't get cross at her.

    It might be less nerve-wracking seeing it as communication differences and how to get round that, rather than her feeling like she is the problem.

    Professionals might be able to help, but the first step is getting to the conversation first.

  • in reply to Cinnabar_wing

    Hi - thank you. Yeah I deliberately didn’t mention OCD because I wanted an objective opinion but this is how we broached it with CAMHS. People have suggested it could be stimming but I think it’s OCD to cope with anxiety. Thank you for your ideas about how to talk about it. I wish there was more official help for parents around this part. Sob She gets so defensive when I ask her anything about it. Earlier I was patiently waiting for her to go through her bedtime YouTube routine and I asked how many videos she needed to watch before she watched her regular final one, because we were both watching the time. She just yelled at me. If she even notices me watching her tapping I get shouted at to F off. It’s so hard. 

  • in reply to Raitch

    That is tough when you are getting aggression, it's very tiring.

    My youngest (8), is I suspect Autistic like her brother and me, and she has been going into big meltdowns currently when she feels overwhelmed. It's harder with screens as she can't process the instruction to stop while watching.  So at a calm time, I explained that I sometimes will ask her to pause, and it is so I can speak to her without her missing something on the video/game. I don't know if that might help at all, but I thought of it when you said she got stressed and yelled when you asked a question while watching, and some elements of it might be more the autistic processing and overwhelm than OCD. 

    If there isn't a set amount of youtube videos before the final one, you may have a chance to influence that with written rules and routines, which autistic people can find comforting. For example, if you put a note beside the device saying '3 videos then bed', she might adopt it into her personal ruleset without as much conflict? I have no idea if it'll work for you as all kids and their brains are different, and mine is much younger, but you can gently try things and see what works for you all while waiting for your CAMHS appointment?

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  • in reply to Raitch

    That is tough when you are getting aggression, it's very tiring.

    My youngest (8), is I suspect Autistic like her brother and me, and she has been going into big meltdowns currently when she feels overwhelmed. It's harder with screens as she can't process the instruction to stop while watching.  So at a calm time, I explained that I sometimes will ask her to pause, and it is so I can speak to her without her missing something on the video/game. I don't know if that might help at all, but I thought of it when you said she got stressed and yelled when you asked a question while watching, and some elements of it might be more the autistic processing and overwhelm than OCD. 

    If there isn't a set amount of youtube videos before the final one, you may have a chance to influence that with written rules and routines, which autistic people can find comforting. For example, if you put a note beside the device saying '3 videos then bed', she might adopt it into her personal ruleset without as much conflict? I have no idea if it'll work for you as all kids and their brains are different, and mine is much younger, but you can gently try things and see what works for you all while waiting for your CAMHS appointment?

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