• Replies 24 replies
  • Subscribers 72 subscribers
  • Views 1111 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Social isolation and lack of support

Listener2010

Hi,

Without going on and on, I am caring for my 16 year old daughter who has suffered with an ED for 3 years. I have had to resign from work this year to ensure I am here for her as she has not helped herself to her drink or food in 3 years. We had a brief spell where she begun to in 2024 but she restricted again last year and ended up in hospital for refeeding in March this year.

She received an autism diagnosis this year but rejects it. 

She has started college and is doing well there academically (as she always does) but struggles socially and has no friends she speaks to outside of college. I am her main contact at all times. She will not engage with support at college for social support. She will not engage with therapy at camhs. It is extremely difficult to untangle what is ED behaviour and what is autism. The clinicians she works with seem to have some idea of how to approach her but it is very difficult. She will not open up to a single soul and after covid and a bad time at secondary school along with hormones she is no longer able to do any of the things she enjoyed and in fact seems to be continually denying herself things nd im not convinced she isnt experiencing awful ocd.

All this to say I am governed entirely by her needs, dropping her at college most days and meeting her for meals which she won't eat alone. This means I get only a few hours to myself in the week between taking her back and forwards and meals and snacks as well as having my son who is increasingly pushed out due to her needs. I have no family support and we do not have a network of friends (we had our children in ours 20s and our friends are having theirs now and unavailable with babies and small families and jobs). I feel so alone and helpless and at the minute cant imagine a time when she will be able to be without me. It feels as though i am solely responsible for keeping her alive with no help from services beacsue we are 'aware and attuned parents' apparently. I have lost connections and do not fit into any criteria that qualifies for support. My husband has taken a new job to cover my lost wages but it means he works away so I am even more isolated. How are people surviving and making connections? I long for a network of people, not just for me but for my teenagers too!

Parents

  • Hi, I'm wondering how things are for you now? I recognise a lot of what you're saying about community networks.

  • in reply to NAS89600

    Hello. Things are a little better in terms of being able to get out on for a while. I have joined an excercise class whist she is at college for an hr a week and although its not a social experience, I do feel better afterwards (coming from someone who hates excercise!). 

    From an isolation point of view things are much the same and I feel their is such a lack of community I have almost become resigned to it. I even find it difficult to engage with those I used to have a relationship with as I find myself irritated with their lack of understanding.

    Camhs wish for my to daughter to take part in a 'skills for life' course in the hope she may meet someone similar or begin to understand how her own brain works but she is very resistant and the handout provided is not neuroaffirmative in my opinion. Lots of 'the negative behaviour' etc which immediately makes her cross and resentful and feel othered.

    Having people react strongly to what my average day looks like makes me less likely to volunteer it so it is a difficult tightrope to walk between wanting connection and wanting it to be the right kind!

    How are things for you right now?

  • in reply to Listener2010

    I'm glad you feel better after the hour exercising, I also know how little that is. I could have written your words, including the irritation feeling you mention. I've stopped wanting to be with people who just don't or won't understand, so my circle has become much smaller. I think your daughter's reaction is so healthy! She knows what she is worth by the sounds of it! My young person does too although the not taking help is so painful to watch at times. You wanting the 'right' connection is so real and why wouldn't you? It's so draining pretending. Wish I has a magic wand but I can at least say, I hear you, and you're not alone. Very best wishes to you and to your daughter.

Reply
  • in reply to Listener2010

    I'm glad you feel better after the hour exercising, I also know how little that is. I could have written your words, including the irritation feeling you mention. I've stopped wanting to be with people who just don't or won't understand, so my circle has become much smaller. I think your daughter's reaction is so healthy! She knows what she is worth by the sounds of it! My young person does too although the not taking help is so painful to watch at times. You wanting the 'right' connection is so real and why wouldn't you? It's so draining pretending. Wish I has a magic wand but I can at least say, I hear you, and you're not alone. Very best wishes to you and to your daughter.

Children
No Data