Social isolation and lack of support

Listener2010 said:

I have lost connections

You can make new ones here if you feel up to it - there are lots of discussions on the go both serious, technical and social so you can join in whenever you are up for it, post questions you want help with or just talk about stuff that interests you to share with others.

We are a very welcoming community so you are most welcome here.

Technically only those over 18 can join so your kids have a while to go before they are allowed, but you can always ask questions on their behalf or about them.

There is a section here about eating disorders ( https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/mental-health/eating-disorders ) in case there is anything you have not seen yet.

Listener2010 said:

She will not engage with support at college for social support. She will not engage with therapy at camhs. I

Would she consider a personal therapist to speak to? This sort of 1-2-1 approach can sometimes build trust and help her find a way to start to help herself more.

Getting her to change her approach to support can be really tricky with an autist as we are often very change averse.

It does sound like you have your hands full.

Do you know if one or both of her parents are neurodiverse? Autism is highly hereditary so there is a good chance one of the parents will be on the spectrum too. The reason I raise this is that if it could be you then understanding it will help build better coping mechanisms for you too.

Hi Iain,

Thank you for taking the time to respond. We have tried a personal therapist and, as a therapist myself, know how useful the right relationship and space can be but equally, I know from professional experience it is best when sought by the individual themselves rather than her feeling pushed into it by us or others which just leads to shut down. We are, of course, just in a holding place for now, but it is a lot to carry.

I suspect I am neurodiverse adhd leaning and my husband is most likely autistic/adhd. After many years learning about it, it is evident both of our families are too however it is complicated by my own mum being sectioned for many years for being 'bipolar' (it is clear to me she was not) but this has led to lots of trauma and ruptured relationships and messy family dynamics.

It is the most frustrating because I have had lots of therapy and trained as a therapist myself, I feel I cope very well day to day and am not anxious or depressed just simply very isolated due to the current situation and demands on my time for my daughter. Coping mechanisms that helped, such as walking, taking part in hobbies and groups are just no longer possible around her care. And now that work has gone, the interaction with the world has too. I am aware that without time for myself i will of course become burned out and at risk of depression and low self esteem but there is no solution to this at present.

My partner and I are open about suspecting we are neurodiverse but cannot afford a private diagnosis, which for us, would be to show solidarity with our daughter rather than needing for ourselves. My son is awaiting an adhd diagnosis and has been on the list many years. We are based in one of the worst areas for referrals, adults currently arent being referred. My son was referred at age 10 and the team have told me I am currently looking at an appointment when he is 17. It is talked about casually, and seriously, always from our own frame of reference (even my son (13) does) and we are careful not to make assumptions about my daughters experience of the world. Perhaps she sees us all and doesn't want to be like us!

Needless to say, whilst I expect this time is all about holding her until she feels safe in the world, the need to share how difficult it is to hold her alone with people who might understand is quite big. 

I have self referred for parent to parent support in the hope this will help and will take a look at the social forums for some interaction outside of the everyday. 

Thank you again,

Sorry for such a long post!

Hi Iain,

Thank you for taking the time to respond. We have tried a personal therapist and, as a therapist myself, know how useful the right relationship and space can be but equally, I know from professional experience it is best when sought by the individual themselves rather than her feeling pushed into it by us or others which just leads to shut down. We are, of course, just in a holding place for now, but it is a lot to carry.

I suspect I am neurodiverse adhd leaning and my husband is most likely autistic/adhd. After many years learning about it, it is evident both of our families are too however it is complicated by my own mum being sectioned for many years for being 'bipolar' (it is clear to me she was not) but this has led to lots of trauma and ruptured relationships and messy family dynamics.

It is the most frustrating because I have had lots of therapy and trained as a therapist myself, I feel I cope very well day to day and am not anxious or depressed just simply very isolated due to the current situation and demands on my time for my daughter. Coping mechanisms that helped, such as walking, taking part in hobbies and groups are just no longer possible around her care. And now that work has gone, the interaction with the world has too. I am aware that without time for myself i will of course become burned out and at risk of depression and low self esteem but there is no solution to this at present.

My partner and I are open about suspecting we are neurodiverse but cannot afford a private diagnosis, which for us, would be to show solidarity with our daughter rather than needing for ourselves. My son is awaiting an adhd diagnosis and has been on the list many years. We are based in one of the worst areas for referrals, adults currently arent being referred. My son was referred at age 10 and the team have told me I am currently looking at an appointment when he is 17. It is talked about casually, and seriously, always from our own frame of reference (even my son (13) does) and we are careful not to make assumptions about my daughters experience of the world. Perhaps she sees us all and doesn't want to be like us!

Needless to say, whilst I expect this time is all about holding her until she feels safe in the world, the need to share how difficult it is to hold her alone with people who might understand is quite big. 

I have self referred for parent to parent support in the hope this will help and will take a look at the social forums for some interaction outside of the everyday. 

Thank you again,

Sorry for such a long post!