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School Avoidance

Kate17

My son attendeds a SEN school. He's always refused school to some degree. He's now 7 and it's just getting to much and I don't know what to do anymore.

It's a physical battle every morning. I still have to physical dress him and physical force him into school. It's destroying me physically and emotionally and I'm so worried about him.

He's pre verbal so I can't ask him what's wrong. School don't really have much to say because I still manage to get him there and they say he's fine in school.

I'm seriously thinking of homeschooling him but I have no idea how to get him out of there or if their going to make it difficult for me.

He has an EHCP but I think it's just the school environment im general he can't cope with.

I'm so worried about him being off and getting into trouble.

Please Help. Where do I start? What do I do?

  • in reply to Frin1979

    Hi  

    I have had a look for the cards you mentioned and there are a lot of options. Would you be willing to maybe PM me, if that is a possibility, to what you are using specifically please? 

    Loz Cat 

  • Hello Kate, I wouldn’t worry too much about getting into trouble as this situation isn’t your fault and by the sounds of it you are doing everything you can already. It can be a lonely road having a child with such difficulties, you really only want the best for them. To ease your worries a little and that’s if you haven’t done so in depth already I would say speak with the school, explain your concerns for your son and his education because in some cases they can set up part time timetables or shorter school days which may be beneficial to you both. 

  • Teachers used to say this to me about my son - “he’s fine once he’s here” - but my son wasn’t fine - he was masking. He developed Selective Mutism when he started school - and had Selective Mutism throughout his entire school life. We need to truly listen to our children when they are telling us (verbally or in other more subtle ways) that attending school is seriously damaging their mental health. You have the right to homeschool your son if you feel it’s in his best interests. Lots of parents do it and it works well for them. 

  • My son is 8, attends mainstream school and suffers with EBSA.  We are late EVERY day, sometimes by an hour or more.  School are very accepting of this though, we are lucky in this respect.  The mam guilt is real though, it's so awful.  He starts begging not to go to school from the minutes he leaves the previous day.  He feels sick with anxiety every evening.  He is verbal and quite articulate.  We downloaded a copy of the EBSA risk and resilience cards from our local council website which helped us to unpick his day and work out where his main difficulties lie and it has given us a good base of where to start from.  They can be used with pre verbal children also.  Might be helpful to understand if there are any good points about school as well that you can focus on.  I do know some parents who home school very successfully.  It is something that I am considering doing myself.  

    Keep going, but if homeschooling is an option, definitely look into it.  

  • Dear Kate17, 

    Thank you for your post. I am very sorry to hear about your situation. I wonder whether the support in our Education pages may help you? 

    Please find the link here:

    https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/education

    Any visual aids may also help for example a photo of school uniform to show it is time to get dressed, a photo of a toothbrush to show it is time to brush teeth. Breaking down the "to-do" list into very small steps often helps young children then using photos to show what must happen first then what happens next. 

    Keep talking to the school SENCo and explain the concerns you have. 

    We also have information on positive behaviour support which may be helpful. Please find the link here:

    https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/positive-behaviour-support-pbs

    I really hope something there helps. 

    With best wishes, 

    Anna Mod